Brave Republicans Attacking a Dangerous Target

Nothing rivals the unimaginable courage — the unblinking fearlessness — of Republican politicians when they set their sights on a new enemy.

Jobless workers whose unemployment benefits have expired, the bereaved mother of a soldier killed in Iraq, a terminally ill patient whose health insurance just got canceled by their HMO — a lesser person would cower and run from such a vicious opponent.

But for a Republican, cowardice is not an option. And just wait ‘til you see who Republicans are facing up to next. It’s enough to make you cringe and get butterflies just thinking about it. More frightening than a terminal cancer patient, more dangerous than Cindy Sheehan. Are you ready??? Republicans are about to march headlong into a brutal no-holds-barred confrontation with the children of illegal immigrants.

OOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!!!!! Are you trembling yet?

The newest rightwing buzzword is — Anchor Babies. That’s the name for children born to those swarthy lowly peons who snuck into the country illegally. Republicans are gonna git ‘em!

But first, there’s a little speed bump — the Fourteenth Amendment to the Constitution. The Far Right probably thinks the Constitution was written exclusively for the benefit of multi-millionaires who want to purchase Congressional elections, developers who want to pave over everything that doesn’t move, and gun manufacturers who want every man, woman and child to own an AK-47. Or two or three or twenty-seven.

The Fourteenth Amendment reads:

“All persons, born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States. No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States.”

Apparently the Fourteenth Amendment has too many big words for state senator Russell Pearce (R—Inbred). He’s the architect of Arizona’s “Zee Papersss Pleasss” law, and the ringleader of Arizona’s new plan to get those filthy icky Anchor Babies out of here.

The popular southern expression “Thank God for Mississippi” will probably be replaced soon with “Thank God for Arizona.”