Flaming Douchebag of the Week: Joe Barton

Rep. Joe Barton (R—Shitbucket) is deeply concerned about the BP oil spill. Wait, no, he’s not concerned about the worst ecological devastation in America’s history. He doesn’t give a fuck about millions of lowly working-class types whose livelihoods are gone.

But he’s having a tantrum because our Kenyan Muslim Socialist president said mean things to BP.

Obama is requiring BP to establish a $20 billion fund to help compensate the people whose careers and lives have been destroyed by BP’s negligence. Barton called it a “$20 billion shakedown” of BP, and said: “I'm ashamed of what happened in the White House.”

For the past year and a half, rightwing bloggers’ favorite soundbite has been “apologizing for America.” That’s exactly what Joe “I bend over for oil companies” Barton has just done. So far there hasn’t been a peep out of the Right, for some odd reason.

Massachusetts Democrat Ed Markey told Barton to bring his knees back together, get up off the floor and quit humping the oil industry (in so many words).

He said the $20 billion compensation fund was “not a slush fund, not a shakedown. ... It was the government of the United States working to protect the most vulnerable citizens that we have in our country right now, the residents of the Gulf. It's BP's spill, but it is America’s ocean, and it is America's citizens who are being harmed. ... No, this is not a shakedown of the company. This is, in my opinion, the American government working at its best.”

A New Bulletin Board for Conservative Complaints: We Want to Hear From YOU

This particular post will be a message board — a forum — for conservatives to voice their complaints. The media has a liberal bias? Barack Hussein Obama is taking over your health care, your bank account? All you need to do is go to the Comments section, type in your complaint, and:

Your comment will be forwarded to the right person; somebody who can help YOU. Tell us what you think. We Care.

BP has set up a bunch of call centers to handle questions and complaints about the massive oil spill. Trouble is, the call centers are fake. I mean, somebody will answer the phone if you call. But that’s as far as it goes.

A BP call center employee in West Houston said:

“We’re a diversion to stop them from really getting to the corporate office, to the big people.”

She said these operators are “just warm bodies on the other end of the phone,” and most of them don’t even bother writing down what you tell them, knowing the calls aren’t going anywhere anyway.

Oh well, no problem. If you need to find out something, you can always do a Google search for “BP oil spill” and get the real —

Oh. Nevermind.

Emergency Relief Drive for BP Shareholders

Enough already with these bloody oil-spill unpleasantries. Cleanup costs are running into millions of Pounds Sterling for British Petroleum; perhaps billions even. And this tragedy is utterly devastating for the company's shareholders.

One can only imagine the utter devastation being suffered by these tragedy-stricken shareholders. Please take a moment to view the heartbreaking losses suffered by this poor stockholder — oops, wrong picture.

Oh bloody hell, what did I do with it??? Try this one.

F$#&!#$#!!! Well anyway, here’s a very moving, tragic article about the utter despair and hopelessness of British Petroleum and its stockholders.

Damn it, that’s not it.

OK, I found it. This picture will tear your heart out, but please don’t look away. You can make a contribution to these poor devastated BP stockholders — or you can turn the page.

Please help! They would like their lives back.