For Only $15 — YOU can Talk to a Real Live Congressman!!!

Rep. Paul Ryan (R—Peewee Herman) can’t take it any more. Rowdy constituents coming into his town hall meetings and asking embarrassing questions — he’s had it! So what if their taxes are paying his salary (and health insurance, pension, travel expenses)?

In a desperate attempt to squelch the symptoms — without dealing with the underlying cause — Paul Ryan will be charging $15 for the privilege of attending any of his future “public” events.

Going him one better, Rep. Ben Quayle (R—Potatoehead Jr.) will be charging $35 for the chance to see and hear him at a catered luncheon on August 23rd. Can’t wait.

This is one way to keep the riffraff out, while still allowing reporters in; so you’ll still get news coverage without having to answer any uncomfortable questions.

And Rep. Doug Lamborn (R—Ku Klux Klan) doesn’t even want your filthy money. He has forbidden any and all “protests” in or near his office in Colorado Springs. This is the same inbred redneck who referred to Obama as “tar baby” last month.

But hey, the news isn’t all bad. PSSSSST — Wanna see a lewd picture of Michele Bachmann?

AND — equal time and all that — a lewd picture of Marcus Bachmann.

Oklahoma: “We Don’t Want None of Them There Christians In These Parts”

Two examples of Not Smart:

1. Giving your 3-year-old child a pack of matches and saying “here, go play in the hayloft.”

2. Giving a bunch of braindead illiterate legislators some writin’ utensils and saying “here, pass us a law crackin’ down on them thar homasexials.”

Nice try, Inbreds.

The Oklahoma state senate passed a law allowing Oklahoma to sleaze their way out of the federal hate crimes bill passed by Congress last year. The state law was supposed to allow local law enforcement to ignore the part of the federal statute that defines attacks on gays as a hate crime.

BUT — and this is what happens when you ask a kindergartner to solve an advanced trigonometry problem — the Oklahoma senate cited the wrong clause in the federal statute. Wrong Way Corrigan!

Instead, the legislators exempted Oklahoma from the federal clause that defines an attack based on “religion, race or ethnicity” as a hate crime. Doh! Thanks to Oklahoma’s Keystone lawmakers, you can now assault somebody based on his/her religion or race and NOT be charged with a hate crime. But gays ARE still protected by the federal hate crimes statute.

Oklahoma’s legislators — after they’ve wiped all that egg off their faces — will undoubtedly fix their “mistake.” (Then again, you know what Freud said about “mistakes.”) But in the meantime — “Hey, let’s beat the shit out of that White Christian over there. The cops can’t do anything about it.”

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Uh oh: Get ready for ……[cue the Jaws theme music]……Son of Potatoe Head. Or would that be Potatoeheadson?

Ben Quayle (yes, Dan’s son) is running for Congress. He’s running for the seat being vacated by Rep. John Shadegg (R-Arizona).

Ben Quayle’s platform is to reduce taxes and increase border security. Sounds a little contradictory to me, unless the Tooth Fairy is going to build us a nice big border fence, free of charge.