Pope Francis: Too Much Bleeding Heart Socialism, Not Enough Fire and Brimstone

What’s up with the new Pope?  Pope Francis doesn’t hate homosexuals, and on top of that he actually talks about economic inequality.

He recently tweeted:  “My thoughts turn to all who are unemployed, often as a result of a self-centered mindset bent on profit at any cost.”

Commie!  Why does he hate America?!?!?!?

A University of New Haven professor of marketing and international business said:

“Like many people, he thinks capitalism won't survive unless it decreases income disparity.  I think it's fair to say he's arguing for a more European version of capitalism going forward, especially after the Great Recession, so there's more of a safety net for people when they need it.”

According to an online entrepreneur who connects small-business owners with financing:

“His comments are of high importance to me.  The kind of issues he's talking about are too often ignored by religious and business leaders.”

A College of the Holy Cross professor of religious studies said:

“Being a Jesuit priest and having spent so much time in Argentina as bishop and cardinal had a great effect on him.  He's seen a lot of poverty close up and raised the issue in Argentina before becoming pope.”

However, if you still believe in an angry god who hates sinners and poor people, you haven’t been forgotten.  Bill Donohue, president (and only member) of the Catholic League, continues to speak out on behalf of the dwindling subspecies Biblehumpus Americus:

“Personally, I’m much more market friendly, as was John Paul II.”

And we can always count on Rick “Abortion Cooties” Santorum for our daily fire and brimstone fix.

Bill Donohue to Rape Victims: “Bend Over Again. And LIKE it.”

According to Bill Donohue, president of the Catholic League, the world’s most pressing issue is the jillions of sexual abuse cases by Catholic priests.  No, not the abuse itself — that’s no biggie.

The REAL problem is those sniveling victims who were assaulted by priests, and the huge settlements the Catholic Church has had to pay.

Donohue told the New York Times that the church “has been too quick to write a check” to these victims, and that the church should fight all of these cases “one by one.”

He also said Catholic bishops should “toughen up and go out and buy some good lawyers to get tough” in the fight against their victims.

Bill Donohue’s current mission is to go after the victims’ advocacy group Survivor Network of those Abused by Priests (SNAP).  Donohue’s lawyers — YOUR tax dollars at work — are demanding “more than two decades of e-mails that could include correspondence with victims, lawyers, whistle-blowers, witnesses, the police, prosecutors and journalists.”

These subpoenas are calculated to sabotage SNAP’s advocacy work, and possibly bankrupt the organization.  Donohue describes SNAP as “a menace to the Catholic church.”

A reporter was hoping to get an interview with Bill Donohue, but several young boys had just been escorted into Donohue’s office a few minutes earlier, and Donohue was temporarily, uhh, unavailable for comment.