George W. Bush: Yes, We Miss You

To answer the question on this billboard: YESS!!!!

What’s not to miss? The economy was booming, and our treasury had a record surplus. Remember how the economy skyrocketed as soon as Bush got inaugurated? I don’t remember any exact statistics, but there had to be a tremendous surge in new hiring.

As conservatives are always reminding us, government regulations strangle the economy. Workplace safety rules are well intentioned, but — you know the drill here — “you’re only hurting the people you’re trying to help.”

One of the first things Bush did in 2001 was abolish a bunch of workers’ safety regulations that Clinton had just signed. His main target was office-type jobs. Tough shit for those sissy white-collar dweebs and their constant wailing and boohoohooing about “repetitive stress injury” and “carpal tunnel syndrome.” If those are real injuries, why don’t they describe them In Plain English?!?!?

Well, when those cumbersome regulations were lifted, bazillions of new jobs were created so fast, you just about had to jump back and get out of the way.

And let us Never Ever Forget: There were no terrorist attacks on American soil while George W. Bush was president. There have been plenty of domestic attacks during Obama’s presidency, of course. We’ve been the world’s favorite doormat and punching bag for these fifteen disastrous months. But again, there was not a single attack when George W. Bush was president. Nobody would dare!

And unlike the whiny socialist we’ve got in the White House now, you never ever heard George W. Bush apologizing for America. Nosireebob! Some of those pansy Democrats probably thought he should apologize. But By God he never did.

And the Bush family has paid a high price for some of George’s painful tough decisions. Laura Bush’s face has been completely immobile — she looks like a fuckin’ cadaver! — ever since that horrendous poisoning incident in 2007. “Vee vill neffer forgiff you for vat you did to us sixty-five yearsss ago!” thundered Klaus as he sprinkled poison in Laura’s drink. And her next drink, and the next one, and the one after that…

Yes, George W. Bush alienated people when he made difficult decisions and stuck to them. But look at all the disastrous things that have happened ever since Obama became president. It’s been a never-ending tragedy. The entire global economy went into meltdown! Obama gave trillions of taxpayer dollars to Wall Street and then just fiddled while Main Street burned. And then he ruined the Greatest Health Care System in the World. And as Rudy Giuliani keeps reminding us, the terrorist attacks have been merciless since January 2009 — one right after another, day in, day out…

Jimmy Carter Nails the Bush Administration

Jimmy Carter enraged the knuckledragging community yesterday by criticizing Bush, his puppetmaster and Iraqmire. He only said what seventy percent of the country is already thinking.

Regarding Dick Cheney, he said: “He's a militant who avoided any service of his own in the military and he has been most forceful in the last 10 years or more in fulfilling some of his more ancient commitments that the United States has a right to inject its power through military means in other parts of the world…You know he's been a disaster for our country. I think he's been overly persuasive on President George Bush, and quite often he's prevailed.”

He also said the U.S. tortures prisoners in violation of International Law and that Bush makes up his own definition of torture.

Carter himself was an inept president, but compared to the imbecile currently blighting the White House…

George W. Bush Believes in the Right to Privacy!

It’s true! You’ve gotta check out this short video (H/T to Let’s Talk.)

No, you're not losing it. The Great Eavesdropper is actually sitting there, with a straight face, telling us that he doesn’t want other people reading his mail or sticking their noses into his private affairs.

[sputter] But…But — This is the same flaming douchebag who wants to spy on three hundred million Americans. What are you reading? Who’s that letter from? What's it say? What's on that sales receipt? Where were you last night? Explain!

The frazzled fratboy wants to know everything about YOU. But if YOU want to find out something — for instance, how your tax dollars ended up being squandered in an illegal trillion-dollar war — Hey, mind your own business, Peon! The King has a right to privacy but you don’t. You got a problem with that???

Even though it’s obvious that Bush is only referring to himself in this video, still…hearing a one-man KGB talking about privacy — ROTFLMAO! You can't help doing a double take and wondering if you're hearing voices.

It’s the same double take you'd be doing if you heard David Duke talking about the importance of good race relations, or Tony Soprano complaining about the high crime rate.

Your life is an open book, but our Oligarchs are hidden behind a steel fortress. Mind your own business.

Give YOUR Employee — George W. Bush — His Performance Appraisal

With all the powercrazed steamrolling behavior of our megalomaniac “leaders,” it’s hard to remember that THEY work for US. We The People elected them to their positions (supposedly) and their bloated salaries come from our tax dollars.

So, how do you think George W. Bush is doing? Click here and give YOUR employee his Performance Appraisal.

The text in this e-mail is specifically about labor issues — how Bush has helped (or not helped) working people — since Labor Day is approaching. But you can add your own text to the message, so let him have it with both barrels (figuratively speaking!).

WARNING: Your message will actually go to the White House. When I sent mine I got an instant boilerplate response, something like “the president doesn’t have time to personally read each e-mail, but thank you for contacting the White House.” So don’t make your message too profane or threatening, lest you find yourself in a secret prison in Uzbekistan.

George W. Bush: “I Haven’t Learned a F#$%%#! Thing in the Past Five Years!”

When laboratory rats are led to a tunnel that contains cheese, these rats will continue to go back to that same tunnel expecting to find more cheese. But they’ll only do this for awhile. After a point, if they no longer find cheese in the tunnel, the rats will get the drift and they’ll stop going into that tunnel to look for cheese.

If only the President of the United States could be a rat. This Presidential Rat would be a whole lot smarter than the F#!$%#&*&%#$#!! who currently occupies the White House.

It’s bad enough that Bush and his puppetmasters deceived us into the Iraqi invasion 4-½ years ago. But it’s even scarier that almost five years later, the White House Puppet still believes his own phony rhetoric. Most of the 9/11 hijackers were from Eye-Rack, and Saddam bin Hussein Laden was their leader. We've gotta fight them over there so we don’t have to fight them over here. And now that we've killed almost 4,000 American soldiers and hundreds of thousands of Iraqi civilians, America is safer than she’s ever been.

AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!! Don’t you just want to grab that stupid dense obtuse little F#!$%&*!#$#!! by the lapels and shake and shake and shake some sense into that thick skull?!?!?!?!?

Barely 25% of the American population still believes Bush’s non-stop drivel. That’s about the same as the percentage that believes the sun revolves around the Earth. Coincidence?

The entire White House needs a colonoscopy. And this time, get every last one of those polyps outta there.

Why Bush is Jumping Into the Immigration Battle

With Bush already being more unpopular than ever, you have to wonder why he's diving headfirst into the Third Rail of immigration reform. Immigration is probably the most dangerous wedge issue out there, for both parties. It cuts across party lines more than any other issue.

I personally have no opinion on illegal immigration. I’m usually pretty opinionated (no!) but this issue is just too complex with too many underlying issues. Whenever somebody says “those illegal aliens are stealing American jobs and draining our resources” I think “yeah, that’s right.” When somebody else says “these people are doing the jobs Americans won't do; America was founded by immigrants” I think “hmmm, good point.”

Here's one take on why Bush is so gung ho about the doomed immigration reform bill. Bush sees himself as a Hacendado — an estate owner in Old Mexico. He needs to get the maximum amount of work from “his” people, but he also needs to protect them. He thinks the shrewdest thing he could do is grant citizenship to “his” people. As Howard Fineman puts it, “he wants employers to have access to all of that cheap labor, but wants to make the system more orderly.”

Whether this theory is correct or not, it’s as good an explanation as any. Bush’s furious devotion to this immigration reform bill seems more like a suicide mission. Fineman says: “Here he is, an unpopular leader fighting an unpopular war. His two-term presidency is clattering to a conclusion, besieged on all sides, taking hits on everything from his attorney general to his general incompetence. And so he decides to do what? Climb into the ring for an ultimate fighting bout with the base of the very Republicans who got him to the White House.”

They're All Ganging Up on the Worst President Ever

The word is spreading. George W. Bush is the worst fuckup in American history. Period. Jimmy Carter got lots of publicity the other day for calling the Bush Administration “the worst in history.” He said “I think as far as the adverse impact on the nation around the world, this administration has been the worst in history. The overt reversal of America’s basic values as expressed by previous administrations, including those of George H.W. Bush and Ronald Reagan and Richard Nixon and others, has been the most disturbing to me.”

He also condemned Bush’s faith-based initiatives. “The policy from the White House has been to allocate funds to religious institutions, even those that channel those funds exclusively to their own particular group of believers in a particular religion. As a traditional Baptist, I’ve always believed in separation of church and state and honored that premise when I was president, and so have all other presidents, I might say, except this one.”

Regarding Iraqmire, Carter said “We now have endorsed the concept of pre-emptive war where we go to war with another nation militarily, even though our own security is not directly threatened, if we want to change the regime there or if we fear that some time in the future our security might be endangered. But that’s been a radical departure from all previous administration policies.”

Some of our allies aren't quite as kind and gentle as Carter was. On the 4-year anniversary of Mission Accomplished Day, the Edmonton Sun slammed Bush’s ridiculous “Mission Accomplished” flightsuit stunt:

“Four years later, more than 3,000 U.S. soldiers are dead, and some 24,000 wounded. Bush administration claims that Iraq harboured weapons of mass destruction have been revealed as outright lies, swallowed unquestioningly by the media. The war costs U.S. taxpayers $200 million a day and $1 trillion so far. And terrorism, in Iraq and around the world, is fueled like never before by propaganda and the impression Americans are occupiers not liberators, bullies not saviours.”

In Argentina a newspaper editorial said:

“Bush is the only U.S. commander-in-chief to have initiated one war, only to have lost three. He never managed to catch bin Laden nor destroy al-Qaeda; he failed to defeat terrorism; he wasted the political capital awarded him by September 11th; and public opinion has come to detest him. The nation, once indulgent of his lies — lethal lies for over 3,000 of its own sons and daughters — no longer believes him. No U.S. President has ever harmed his country as much.”

And that’s not all. In Pakistan, the PakTribune said:

“Thanks to the murderous fools in the current US administration, civil life in Iraq, now at the 'point of no return,' is teetering at the edge of total anarchy. As an accompanying fallout, along with an estimated million dead Iraqis, a morally, financially and diplomatically bankrupt America, the inept charlatans have also successfully managed to thoroughly radicalize the whole region. From Sudan to Pakistan and beyond, the ranks of America haters now stand swollen like never before. The recruiters for suicide brigades now drool non-stop with glee at the long cues of raging applicants outside their murky caves.”

Ouch! And these are our allies (a category which has been steadily shrinking). God knows what the people who hate us must be thinking.

Jimmy Carter, when he was condemning Bush, also slammed Tony Blair for being one of Bush’s skankiest bitches. He said “And I think the almost undeviating support by Great Britain for the ill-advised policies of President Bush in Iraq have been a major tragedy for the world.”

Blair might have a chance to redeem his skanky reputation. There's a chance he’ll replace Wolfowitz at the World Bank. This could be a new beginning for him.

Yo, Tony: If George W. Bush approaches you again, tighten your sphincter muscles.

Libby/Cheney/Plamegate

With everybody weighing in on the Libby verdict and what it means, let’s hear what a former CIA Director has to say:

“I have nothing but contempt and anger for those who betray the trust by exposing the name of our sources. They are, in my view, the most insidious of traitors.”

Those words were spoken by George Herbert Walker Bush on April 26, 1999. Well, George Dumbya, now you know what your father thinks of you. Traitor!