Drown Haley Barbour in a Vat of Toothpaste

Remember now, this inbred douchebag is a moderate Republican and White House hopeful for 2012. He’s the “good cop” to the Sarah Palin/Rand Paul/Newt Gingrich “bad cop.”

Governor Asswipe was starting to get concerned about the BP oil spill when it looked like Mississippi’s Gulf Coast would get swamped with oil. But most of the oil got washed away by storms, so Barbour went back to downplaying the problem and dismissing those whiny treehuggers and their concern about wildlife.

Barbour described the oil as “weathered, emulsified, caramel-colored mousse, like the food mousse.” He also said:

“Once it gets to this stage, it’s not poisonous. But if a small animal got coated enough with it, it could smother it. But if you got enough toothpaste on you, you couldn’t breathe.”

Maybe this could be arranged for Haley Barbour.

The 9/11 story has been rewritten so many times, it’s getting hard to keep track. First we had Rudy Giuliani telling us that there were no domestic terrorist attacks during George W. Bush’s presidency. And now, apparently — according to Bill O’Reilly — the attacks occurred when several planeloads of homosexuals crashed into the World Trade Center.

Can’t wait to hear the next historical revision.