FEMA: “FEMA You're Doing a Heckuva Job”

If this had been a skit on Saturday Night Live or The Daily Show, it would be the funniest ever. Trouble is, this really happened. Or as the saying goes, “you can't make this shit up.”

During Katrinagate, Brownie and the rest of the FEMAtoads really were doing a heckuva job. But those damn reporters ruined everything for them by taking pictures and asking embarrassing questions. A few goody-goodies working at FEMA probably thought they should improve their job performance during the next disaster. Riiight. Their bosses had a much better idea:

Let’s stage a press conference, and the “reporters” will actually be FEMA employees. FEMA employees pitching underhand softball questions to other FEMA employees. Brilliant!

Three days ago, FEMA scheduled a press conference to discuss their job performance during the California fires. They gave reporters fifteen minutes notice before starting the conference. Since hardly any reporters had time to show up, some of the questions were asked by FEMA employees playing the role of “reporters.”

In response to one of these “questions,” Harvey Johnson, FEMA’s deputy administrator, replied: “I’m very happy with FEMA’s response.” God only knows what the question was, but it must’ve been a zinger.

Hey, shouldn’t we all get to have this type of Performance Appraisal?

Me: “Please be honest now. How has my job performance been this past quarter? Any suggestions or criticisms? Don’t try to spare my feelings; be blunt.”

Me: “You’ve done an absolutely bangup performance this quarter. I only wish your coworkers had half of your drive and ingenuity. I’m going to see to it that you get a huge raise and a corner office.”