Locusts, Birthers and Other Pests

What do you do when you’ve got a bunch of insect pests swarming and buzzing all around you? Flies, mosquitoes, Birthers — Hawaii has decided to just ignore them.

Rightwing fringe groups have used this tactic for a long time — bringing local governments to a standstill by bombarding them with jillions of record requests. And Hawaii’s government agencies have finally had enough.

Instead of denying the afterbirthers’ requests, my choice would be to charge them a huge fee for the information. Make ‘em pay through the yinyang. The birthers themselves should be in favor of this. After all, they’re a bunch of racist inbreds who hate the government. And here they are, requesting a free service from the government they hate. That there’s Socialism!

And just think of the pride that a Birther would feel if he could look at himself in the mirror and think, “I requested a service from the gubmint, and I paid for it myself. Now I cain’t afford no chewin’ tabacca for a coupla weeks, but I pulled myself up by my own bootstraps I did.”

Have you ever donated to a charity, or a cause, and then found out that none of the money actually went to that cause? Don’t feel bad — it happens to rightwing political donors too.

The Republican Majority Campaign — a California PAC — collected $1.7 million from conservative donors last year. More than 98% of that money was used for the group’s own salaries, perks and “operating expenses.” To paraphrase P.T. Barnum, you can have money pouring out of every orifice and still be dumber than a fuckin' stump.

Hey, how about those Compassionate Conservatives? They just keep getting nicer and kinder and gentler all the time.

The local inbreds gathered outside the office of Rep. Mary Jo Kilroy (D-Ohio) yesterday, to shout what Dick Armey and Tim Phillips told them to shout. There was a counter-protest nearby that included a man holding up a sign saying he had Parkinson’s Disease. One of the teabuggerers called him a Communist. Another one threw some money at him. And another one yelled out “If you’re looking for a handout you’re in the wrong end of town.”

And these douchebags are going to take back Congress in November? That does it — beam me up Scotty.