Health Care Reform Could Derail the Stock Market!

Wait! Hold the phone! I’ve suddenly realized what a disaster Obamacare would be for the stock market.

I’ve seen the light!

Jim Cramer spells it out. Stocks are rallying, and right now a huge expansion of government bureaucracy and higher taxes — i.e. socialized medicine — would wreck everything. And he’s right.

We need to look at the larger picture. Enough already with the whining: “I have cancer and my HMO just dropped my coverage, WAAAAAHHH!!!”

These self-centered class warriors need to think more about Wall Street instead of themselves, for a change. Instead of:

“My spouse has just been diagnosed with a terminal illness, and on top of that, I’m afraid we’re gonna lose the house and our life savings!!!”

Look up, take a deep breath, force yourself to smile, and say:

“Hey, have you seen the Dow Jones report today? Fantastic!”

Fortunately, the abortion issue might derail this government takeover of our health care. Come on, Fetus-Head “Bart” Stupak — Wall Street is counting on you!

In other news: Tom DeLay admitted he became America’s most hated reviled shat-on politician because he wanted to.