The American People Do Not Want a Sleazy Two-Timing Speaker of the House

Not just one, but two affairs for Mr. Family Values. John Boehner received a 91% rating from the now-defunct Christian Coalition for his votes on “moral“ issues. He preaches the Gospel; he just doesn’t practice it.

Whatever respect you have or don't have for the National Enquirer and similar tabloids, their celebrity gossip tends to be pretty accurate. With so many prying “reporters” and in-your-face photographers, how could they not be?

Newt Gingrich, Bob Livingston, John Boehner — there seems to be a pattern here. Preach fire and brimstone, then get caught being one of those wicked sinners you were pretending not to hate.

Newt Gingrich resigned his position. Bob Livingston, his would-be replacement, stepped aside after Larry Flynt revealed that Livingston had had numerous affairs. What would Jesus do? What will Weepy the Orange do?

How are the teabaggers and Biblehumpers going to rationalize this?

Warning To All “Family Values” Windbags

Are you sick to death of all these loudmouth hustlers spewing “Family Values” and “What Would Jesus Do?” You know the type: human life is sacred from the point of conception to the moment of birth. Bill Clinton needed to be impeached because of his immoral behavior, and George W. Bush has restored honor and integrity to the White House. Etc. Well, help is on the way. The great playing-field leveler — our favorite hypocrite vanquisher — has arisen and he's madder than ever.

Larry Flynt is ready to start yanking these two-faced Biblehumping sinners out from under their rocks and exposing them to the American people. His first casualty so far is part-time Biblespouter / part-time sex fiend David Vitter, the disgraced Republican Senator from Louisiana. What, you thought Vitter suddenly saw the light and developed a conscience and decided to confess and cleanse his sins? Vitter developed his Christian decency and open-ness after Flynt contacted him and told him he had phone records linking him to that infamous prostitution ring.

Flynt said “I don't want a man like that legislating for me, especially in the areas of morality.” That’s exactly right. If you're gonna thump the Bible you have to practice it too. It was Flynt who exposed Newt Gingrich as a two-faced Biblespewing homewrecker and also derailed Gingrich’s would-be successor (does anybody even remember that sleazebag's name?) on the same grounds. And now, after six years of having our country dominated by a bunch of Torquemada wannabes, the great hypocrite vanquisher has a lot more work to do.

Flynt says “We've got 20-some investigations that all look good. We have got some high-ranking Republican and Democratic members of the Senate and the House. If I get just a couple of those phonies out of there, maybe it will be a step forward.” He also said “This is payback time. I'm not exposing anyone's sex life. ... I'm only exposing the hypocrisy.”

It’s a dirty job but somebody’s gotta do it. You go Larry.