Bayer and Monsanto seek Answers to Mass Honeybee Die-Off

Nope, your eyes aren’t deceiving you.  This is NOT a typo.  Bayer and Monsanto are just shocked — shocked! — at the global die-off of honeybees, and they’re determined to get to the bottom of this mystery.

In other news:  The finance industry is horrified at the record number of illegal foreclosures, and they want to find out just what the hell is going on here.  And Mexico’s most notorious drug cartel wants to know why Juarez has such a high crime rate.

Monsanto is holding a “Bee Summit.”  Bayer AG is breaking ground on a “Bee Care Center.”  And Sygenta AG is funding research into the causes of the mass honeybee bee die-off.

The phone calls are coming from INSIDE the house!!!!

Monsanto’s chief technology officer, Robert Fraley, said:

“Everybody is concerned by it.”

[sniff]  It’s so touching when crocodiles cry.

The European Union has already voted to ban neonicotinoids, aka “neonics,” the class of pesticides used on corn and other major crops, as well as people’s lawns.  Scientific research has shown neonicotinoids to be the main cause of the bee die-off.

Fortunately the United States doesn’t listen to them rabid environmentalists, especially when corporate profits — i.e. FREEDOM! — might be jeopardized.  The companies who manufacture neonicotinoids, and the companies who coat their seeds with them, have a better idea of what’s killing all the bees:  mites.  Some sort of mysterious mite just materialized out of thin air and start killing trillions of bees.

Uh huh.

The Center for Food Safety has filed a lawsuit against the EPA, accusing the EPA of not regulating pesticides closely enough because they’re beholden to the Chemical and Big Ag Syndicates.  A lawyer for the Center for Food Safety said:

“They may have a lot of money. But... we're going to win.”

One can hope.