United States Losing Influence in Latin America

And now, straight from the cover of DUUUHHH!!! Magazine: the United States has been exerting less and less influence in Latin America. Oh My God, No!! After all we've done for those dark-skinned funny-talking furriners, and they're turning against us?!?!?

Well, true, we did engineer a coup in Chile that resulted in thousands of citizens being tortured and/or executed. And twenty years earlier we did the same thing in Guatemala. And we tried (unsuccessfully) to do the same thing in Venezuela a few years ago. And we've been trying (again unsuccessfully) for almost fifty years to do the same thing in Cuba. Goddamnit, won't that stubborn Communist ever die??

Oh, and Nicaragua’s Daniel Ortega — we even got help from our second worst enemy in the world in trying to overthrow that #$%$#!$&!! — is now back in power. And some of those South American countries are still growing coca leaves, even though we've pleaded and pleaded with them to crack down on it because we have a bunch of wealthy teenagers in our own country who keep getting themselves addicted to a byproduct of coca leaves. But those damn governments keep whining at us, something about coca leaves being the only livelihood of thousands of dirt-poor farmers, or something. WhatEVer!

And now we’re losing influence among these people. But, but, Why???

Who Won the Iraqi-American War? Iran.

This article — by Gary Brecher — makes a lot of sense. Iran’s two worst enemies have been slugging it out for over four years now. What’s not for Iran to love?

Iran probably didn't plan any of this, but things couldn’t be working out any better for them if they had directed every detail. The ideal way to invade a country is by using a proxy instead of your own forces. Remember our own rightwing terrorists (oops, sorry, I mean “Freedom Fighters”) fighting in Nicaragua in the 1980s? We sure showed the Iranians how to do it.

Again, Iran probably didn’t plan or intend for us to invade Iraq. But like Gary Brecher says, “From the enormous advantage gained by Iran via our invasion of Iraq, you would think that Dick Cheney is a mole for the Ayatollah.”

Iran’s main rival has now been obliterated and the Shiites (the majority sect in Iran) have the upper hand in Iraq. And we've “provided Iran with a risk-free laboratory to spy on American forces in action.”

According to Brecher, Iraq is like a nuclear reactor that Iran can control by inserting and removing control rods. He says:

“They need to keep us there, because — makes me sick to say it but it's true — our troops are now the biggest, strongest control rod the Persians are using to set the temperature of this war. They want us there as long as possible, stoking the feuds and making sure nobody wins.”

Another benefit of a long bloody regional war is the money and supplies that come pouring into neighboring countries. Iran (and Syria) must have tons of money and supplies coming into their border provinces. As Brecher says, “Need any U.S.-issue supplies, weapons, toilet paper, or global positioning system units cheap? Just ask at any bazaar in Damascus or Tehran. Uncle Sam's guarantee of quality — fell off the back of a two-and-a-half ton truck.”

The Vietnam war — with all the money pouring into the region — helped transform Thailand from a feudal backwater into a bustling tourist magnet and major economic power. Looks like the Iraqi-American war will be providing the same benefit for Iran and Syria. We sure know how to sock it to our enemies.