Republicans: Since They Can’t Do Anything Else…

They can’t govern worth a tin shit, and they can’t win elections. Non-Republicans will probably notice a certain cause and effect relationship between those two problems.

To compensate, the Republican Party seems to be following the old adage of “find something you’re good at — anything! — and do it well.” And that of course would be: screeching and wailing and stamping their feet and pouting from the sidelines. What else can they do? They didn’t make the team, and none of the team’s fans can stand the sight of them. But they’ve gotten mighty good at standing on the outside and looking in, while shouting and sobbing and holding their breath ‘til they turn blue.

Oh well, as Michael Keaton said in Night Shift: “It’s a skill.”

You probably read last week that Republican “leaders” have their talking points already mapped out for derailing Obama’s proposed health care reform. Trouble is, Obama hasn’t yet presented his health care plan to Congress. For people of a certain intelligence level, that might pose a bit of a problem. No problem for Republicans though. “Whatever it is, I’m against it because…let’s see, which 3 by 5 card do I need here…”

Un-fuckin’-real.

And now they’re using the same procedure for derailing whoever Obama nominates to the Supreme Court. They have a list of the most likely nominees, and they’ve got their soundbites tailored to each one. “Soft on terrorism!” “Sympathetic to the homosexual agenda!” “Pro-abortion!”

The Republicans’ stated motive is to galvanize the base. The “Base”??? What “Base” would that be??? Oh, you mean the “Base” that swept Republicans into office in 2006 and 2008. That “Base.” DUUUHHH!!!

Direct-mail Has-Been Richard Viguerie said: “It’s an immense opportunity to build the conservative movement and identify the troops out there. It’s a massive teaching moment for America. We’ve got the packages written. We’re waiting right now to put a name in.”

Ah yes, “the troops out there.” All five of them.

And speaking of contrasts and ironies: How about Obama’s speech at Notre Dame. Hundreds of fetus-worshippers were right out there, front and center, protesting Obama’s appearance. Unlike what’s his name’s public appearances, the protesters weren’t relegated to a “Free Speech Zone” 600 yards away. Also unlike his predecessor, Obama actually goes out there and speaks to audiences who haven’t been screened and pre-selected and ordered to erupt into spontaneous applause at certain cues.

Obama even addressed the abortion issue — the exact reason for the demonstration — in conciliatory terms. He called for “Open hearts. Open minds. Fair-minded words.” He said: “We can still agree that this is a heart-wrenching decision for any woman to make, with both moral and spiritual dimensions.”

Now, just try to imagine this: Cheney or Dumbya giving a speech about the Iraqi invasion, with hundreds of anti-war protesters right there in full view, and Cheney-Bush reaching out to the protesters, trying to find some common ground between the two sides.

You can’t, can you.