The New Face of the Republican Party

Or, make that the new NEW NEW face of the Republican Party. The GOP is poised for a comeback. After making some incredibly stupid miscalculations and blunders, they’re about to come roaring back with a vengeance.

A partial list of their retarded pitiful stunts would include:

• Michael Steele contradicting OxyContin “Rush” Limbaugh, and then falling to his knees sobbing and groveling and begging Limbaugh to forgive him.
• Dick Cheney constantly haranguing Obama for being soft on terrorism and making us “less safe.”
• Dick Cheney (again!) saying that Limbaugh is more representative of the GOP than Colin Powell, and then saying he didn’t know Powell “was still a Republican.”
• Republicans threatening to filibuster Obama’s Supreme Court nominee, without even knowing who the nominee is.
• The Republican National Committee spending hours and hours debating whether to re-christen the Democratic Party as the “Socialist Democrats,” before finally deciding that they should be spending their time discussing something more important. (Ya Think???)

But that’s all water under the bridge now. After making these idiotic pathetic mistakes, the GOP has learned some painful lessons. They’re sick and tired of being nothing but a punch line for Jay Leno and Jon Stewart. They’ve changed their ways and now they’re ready to roll! They’re Back Baby!

They’ve come up with a brand new smear attack, and By God this one’s gonna work! The Republican National Committee sent out a new attack video last week. This video juxtaposes images of Nancy Pelosi with images of Pussy Galore (of James Bond/Goldfinger fame). Way to go Republicans! This is how you reach out to Middle America. Millions of people who are scared shitless of losing their jobs and their homes will suddenly think “Nancy Pelosi and Pussy Galore hee hee hee hee hee. OK, I’m sold. I’m voting Republican!”

It doesn’t matter that all of their previous “galvanize the base” Swiftboat attacks have backfired. This time it’s gonna work. This time they’re really gonna drive those pansy-ass RINO moderates out of the Republican Party. Tens of millions of hardcore True Believers will unite, and organize, and they’re gonna send Newt Gingrich and Sarah Palin to the White House in 2012.

The Republican Party has finally discovered The Secret ™: If you try something and it doesn’t work, try the exact same thing again. If you keep getting the same result, don’t worry; just keep doing the same thing over and over and over, and eventually the Fates will intervene and you’ll get the result you wanted.

cross-posted at Bring It On!