Lewis Black vs. Rick Perry

One of the funniest comedians out there vs. Rick “George W. Bush Without The Brains” Perry — no contest.

Rick Perry is trying to persuade businesses — particularly in Illinois, California and New York — to relocate to Texas, where bidness folks ain’t gettin’ strangled by them there Comminist regulations.  There’s a radio commercial with Rick Perry saying:

“If you’re tired of the same old recipe of over-taxation, over-regulation and frivolous litigation, get out before you go broke. Texas is calling…The escape route leads straight to Texas.”

To which Lewis Black replies:

“Because nothing says ‘We’re on the cutting edge of 21st century business’ like an ad on the radio!”

And:

“Now he’s trying to take California jobs?  Rick Perry doesn’t know it, but he just doubled his porn industry and tripled the number of skateboarding panhandlers…But go ahead, Perry.  Take your best shot. ‘Texas is calling?’ Well good thing I’ve got caller ID.  Listen, Texas, trying to steal jobs from Illinois and California is one thing, but you’re going to try to trash-talk about New York? Not on my watch…‘Don’t mess with Texas?’  Don’t fuck with New York.”

How to Warm the Heart of a Teabagger

During last night’s CNN Tea Party Express debate, the audience cheered and applauded on at least two ugly occasions:

The host of the debate, Wolf Blitzer, asked Rick Perry about his previous statement that Ben Bernanke “would be treated pretty ugly down in Texas” and should be charged with treason. The inbred audience burst into applause as soon as Blitzer asked the question.

Wolf Blitzer also asked Ron Paul about his Libertarian views. He asked whether a sick person should be allowed to die in the hospital if he didn’t have insurance. Before Ron Paul could answer, the above-mentioned inbreds erupted into shouts of “Yes!!!”

There isn’t even any point in trying to insult these wastes of oxygen. The evidence rests.

Tim Pawlenty: “A Better Deal” and the Google Test

How’s that for a riveting campaign slogan? Tim Pawlenty’s “Better Deal” consists of eliminating the estate tax and all taxes on capital gains, interest and dividends; and lowering the corporate tax rate from 35% to 15%. Even better, all government safety/environmental regulations will be automatically “sunsetted” unless Congress votes to renew them.

With these crippling taxes and cumbersome regulations no longer strangling the economy, hardworking Americans will once again be free “to innovate, invest, compete, and create new businesses and jobs.”

This has a sort of eerie familiarity — probably because it’s the same bill of goods Republicans have been selling us since 1980. But hey, let’s keep doing the same thing over and over and over, and maybe this time we’ll get a different result.

And don’t worry about where future revenues will come from after Pawlenty has eliminated everybody’s taxes (except for people who work for a living). He’s got it covered: the Google Test:

“If you can find a good or service on the Internet, then the federal government probably doesn’t need to be doing it. The post office, the government printing office, Amtrak, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, were all built in a time in our country when the private sector did not adequately provide those products. That’s no longer the case.”

Isn’t this great?!?!? The Google Test also means we overburdened taxpayers will no longer need to pay for the military and the weapons they use; law enforcement; fire departments, road construction…

We’re Free!!!

And Texas Governor Rick Perry has his own variation: “Don’t use the Google; ask Jesus.”

On August 6th Rick Perry will be holding a “Day of Prayer and Fasting for our Nation to seek God's guidance.” This sacred event will be held at Reliant Stadium in Houston, and all governors are invited.

On his website, Perry says “Americans must come together and call upon Jesus to guide us through unprecedented struggles because some problems are beyond our power to solve.”