Original Draft of Sarah Palin’s Hong Kong Speech

Nobody will say exactly how many speechwriters and proofreaders are employed by Sarah Palin’s staff. But here is a copy of Sarah’s first draft of her speech:

Ah jeez, here I am in Hong Kong, gosh, the other side of the world, talking to a group of international investors. Or for you people, that would be “intelnationar investols,” heeheeheehee.

This is just so great, this historic meeting of Main Street USA and the Far East. Sort of Joe Sixpack meets, uh, you know, Chow Fu, or whatever your version would be. All these gun-hating Democrats are saying I don’t have any foreign policy experience, but look where I am right now. So there. And I bet they’ve never even been to Japan. Er, China.

Thank God there aren’t any reporters here to misquote me. Those people drove me out of office by twisting everything I say. All they ever do is mock me and make fun of my sin tax.

Now, I heard you’re having ethnic problems with those Weegers or whatever you call them. I don’t want to tell you how to run your country, but in Alaska we like to shoot wolves from helicopters. Couldn’t you just fly a few helicopters over that place where those Weegers live and, you know, I’m just saying…

I know you like having a big centralized government that runs everything and meddles in everyone’s lives. That’s fine for you people, but now America has started doing the same thing, this big smothering government barging into everything and telling hardworking Americans what to do. Joe and Jane Sixpack are not happy about this. We have a president who was born in some filthy third world country even more primitive than this one, and he’s ruining America. I always tell people, why don’t you just move to Russia or China if you want some big giant godless nanny police state sapping your ambition. When Ronald Reagan was president, darn it that’s when America was her greatest. He took away that nanny state and made everyone free to pull their own bootstraps. And he knew in his heart that America was Number One and he didn’t care what the rest of the world thought of us, and he didn’t blink and cringe and run away every time some third world tinpot…

[Note to self, last paragraph still needs work]