Godfearing Christians Murdered by Gangs of Militant Homosexuals

Damn those liberal judges!  I knew this was going to happen.

Here’s the background:  The Washington State legislature passed a law two years ago nicknamed “Everything But Marriage.”  Washington doesn’t have gay marriage, but this law gives unmarried gay couples most of the legal rights and protections of married couples.

A group of concerned Christians started a petition drive to overturn these special privileges for homosexuals.  Their referendum failed.  “Everything But Marriage” is still the law.  Gay rights activists wanted to see the names of the people who signed the petition.  And now, these people’s names have been released to the public, as ordered by U.S. District Court Judge Benjamin Settle.

The anti-gay petition signers had been trying frantically to keep their names secret, knowing how vicious these homosexuals are.  Well, no matter how terrified these Good Christians were, they had no idea what was in store.  As it says in the Good Book, “What I feared most came to pass.”

It’s been just awful.  Terrifying.  The petition signers’ names were just released yesterday, and already the mayhem has been unimaginable.  Countless Christians have been murdered by these homosexual brutes.  Nobody even knows the death toll; the number keeps going up every time there’s another newscast.

To add insult to injury:  Each and every one of these murder victims will have his/her funeral picketed by Fred Phelps since, after all, these people allowed themselves to be overpowered by a homosexual.

And the murder victims are the lucky ones.  Other less fortunate victims have been forced to look at gay pornography while being brutally sodomized by a vengeful homosexual.  And these victims’ wives and children were tied up and forced to watch.

So far these petition-signers have only been attacked at home.  But according to a secret memo from a homosexual terrorist group — which was leaked to the press — the petition signers will not be safe anywhere.  At work, at school, in church — the message said “No matter where you hide, we’ll find you.  And we’re gonna tie you up and do terrible horrible excruciating things to you.  And you will LIKE it!”

Oh God!  Who can we turn to?  Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, James Dobson, Jesse Helms — Help!