GOP to Small Businesses: “Fuck You! DIE!!!!”

What good are small businesses? They can’t write a 6-figure check to finance somebody’s re-election campaign. They’re too small to squish their competitors, which would strengthen the American Oligarchy. What have small businesses done for Congress lately?

Worst of all, small business owners live in the same communities where their businesses are located. That makes them Stakeholders. Which means — they actually care about all that touchyfeely socialist nonsense like schools, libraries, community activities, the local economy…

And now, that Kenyan Muslim in the White House is trying to increase bank loans to small businesses, with the help of a $30 billion fund. $30 billion?!?!? We need that money for Iraq, Afghanistan, the War on Drugs, bailing out failed CEOs. Who gives a fuck about some piddling little mom-and-pop store?

Fortunately, Senate Republicans have killed this wacky leftwing idea. Loans to small businesses [pshaw] If you're small, you're a sissy. Die!

Just think — if small businesses were able to get loans, they might start hiring, and that would help the economy. The GOP game plan would be ruined. We on the Far Right want the economy to keep getting worse and worse, so that in November millions of ignoramuses will lash out blindly at the party in power, and Republicans will take Congress back.

Back to 1955.