New Career for Pat Boone

What do you do if you’re a washed-up has-been of a “singer” (using the term loosely) who hasn’t had a hit record since Eisenhower was in office? It’s easy — Reinvent yourself as a Birther.

Pat Boone — “who???” — has told the San Francisco Chronicle that President Obama was born in Kenya. He said:

“I was in Kenya a year and a half ago and everybody said, ‘You know, he was born here.’”

Well, that settles it. That’s all the proof I need.

I’ve talked to people who had the misfortune of hearing Pat Boone’s songs on the radio, and they all said “you know, Pat Boone was the most bland untalented singer of all time. His record company must have bribed the radio stations just to get that shit on the air.”

Pat Boone also insists that Obama is spending millions of dollars to hide his records so the public won’t discover his phony birth certificate:

“Why else would he be hiding all of his records? He’s spending millions of dollars so that we do not have his records. And experts have already looked at and been able to verify that this long-form document is a fraud… But the media ignores it… A total fraud. A photo-shopped fraud.”

Old middle-of-the-road singers never die; they just become teabirthers.