Arizona’s Newest Holiday: White People’s Day

Republican state representative Cecil Ash has suggested that Arizona create a holiday to celebrate white people.  It’s about time!  Finally, this neglected unsung ethnic group will get the recognition it deserves.

Let’s hope the rest of the country follows Arizona’s lead.  We should all be celebrating National White People’s Day.  It would be a chance for other ethnic groups to dress like white people and imitate their stiff wooden movements.  And everyone could talk in those measured cadences and that careful enunciation that gives the white dialect its unique sound.

But seriously, there are so many things we take for granted which would simply not exist had it not been for the White Race.  You’ve spent countless hours in sterile shopping malls with one faceless store blending into another, and you’ve probably never stopped to think:  a white person made this possible.

And there are many other contributions from the white race which we take for granted.  For example:  the Dewey Decimal System was invented by a white person.

Same thing with our beloved American cuisine — it was brought to us by white folks.  Sandwiches with mayonnaise on white bread; macaroni and cheese; mashed potatoes; Twinkies, cube steak — what other ethnic group could possibly come up with such delicacies?

And think of the TV programs we all grew up with.  Westerns, sterile comedies with canned laughter — think back to your favorite TV shows and thank a white person.

And most important of all:  Music.  God only knows what we’d all be listening to if it weren’t for the Caucasian race.  White people invented both kinds of music:  country AND western.