My Candidate Was The Winner

John Kerry won the debate. He's gonna be the next president. Yeeaaaahhhh!!!

George W. Bush won the debate. Four more years. Yeeaaaahhhh!!!

Let's face it, we all have our minds made up. We all saw and heard exactly what we wanted during this debate; our beliefs and perceptions have been reinforced.

Our country has been split down the middle since before the 2000 election. Regardless of who wins on 11/2, this 50/50 divide will probably be with us for a long time. I don't know who these mythical "undecided" voters are, but it seems like almost everyone is firmly entrenched in the belief that:

1. Kerry is such a flip-flopper and so far "out of the mainstream" (the mantra that every Republican dutifully recites 47 times a day) that we'd better stick with George W., since at least we know where he stands; or
2. George W. Bush has been such a disastrous president that Anybody But Bush is the only choice.

Bush's approval ratings are supposed to be at their lowest ever; yet he and Kerry are tied. Why?? We're desperate for a change, something, anything different from this administration that's presided over the largest deficit in history, the first loss of jobs since Herbert Hoover, the deaths of over 1,000 U.S. solders, etc. etc. If you're clinging for dear life to the edge of a cliff and somebody -- anybody -- reaches out to pull you up, do you:

1. Reach out and desperately grab onto the person who's offered to save you?
2. Say "Hhmmmpphhh!! I don't know enough about you. You don't seem to have enough character. What are your credentials?"

Both Kerry and Bush stuck to their usual personas during this debate: Bush, no matter how many inaccuracies and Big Lies he spouts, is back-porch folksy and speaks with heartfelt conviction and belief. Kerry can mow down Bush's "mis-statements" one after the other, but he still has all the personality of a metronome. Unfortunately, this matters. If we were voting on whom we'd rather go out and have a beer with (or, insert your drug of choice here), Bush would win by a landslide. Unfortunately, too much is at stake for Bush's "hey-I'm-a-regular-guy-just-like-you" manner to keep him in the White House four more years.

Each candidate got out one fairly good one-liner. When Bush talked about how expensive Kerry's health care proposals would be, Kerry retorted that for Bush to talk about fiscal responsibility was "like Tony Soprano lecturing somebody about law and order." Bush said that Kerry is so far to the Left that "Ted Kennedy, your colleague, is known as the conservative senator from Massachusetts."

Bush actually seemed uncomfortable during a couple of his answers; it sounded like he was purposely pausing and talking more slowly so the clock would hurry up and get to that 90-second mark. It almost sounded like that Saturday Night Live skit from 1988 with Dana Carvey playing George H.W. Bush during a debate, squirming and grimacing while reciting and repeating "1,000 points of light" and "stay the course" while he frantically wished for the clock to tick faster. Finally, "Michael Dukakis" (played by Jon Lovitz) turned to the camera and said "I can't believe I'm losing to this guy."

But basically, both candidates stuck to their tried-and-true personas, and probably not one mind was changed by tonight's debate.

In other words, the clear winner of tonight's debate is:

George W. Bush

John Kerry

Circle the name of your choice.