Strange Bedfellows: Teabaggers and a Militant Russian Nationalist

Igor Panarin, a radical Russian professor, has been predicting for years that the United States would collapse sometime during the year 2010. The shattered remains of America will be divided into about five or six regions.

Southwestern states because of their heavy Hispanic populations will merge with Mexico. Alaska will revert back to Russian control. The poorest of the Midwestern states will probably form their own nation, and the northern Midwest will either merge with Canada or form its own nation. The northeast will become part of “global capital and finance” based in London. And the West Coast will become part of China, of course, because of the large Chinese population and the fact that those Left-Coasters are using computers that were made in China.

The above tinfoil-hat rantings don’t have much of an audience even inside Russia, let alone anywhere else. But now the absent-minded professor has found a new cult following inside the United States. Guess who.

I guess these pitiful teabirthers need all the friends they can get. And since they obviously hate their own country and everything it stands for, they might as well hitch themselves to a Russian crackpot who wants America to collapse.

Joseph Farah, founder of WorldNetDaily (Home of the Afterbirther™), is one of Panarin’s followers. Farah says he isn’t “buying into Panarin's entire prediction” but says “there's something to it.”

Panarin made a recent trip to the United States and was surrounded by worshippers in Houston and Washington, D.C.

Question of the day: What’s the difference between a Greek Orthodox priest and a Muslim terrorist? Tomato, Tomahto, right?

Hell, them furriners with their dorky hats and funny robes, they all look alike. And what the hail are they doin’ here anyways?

In Tampa, a Greek Orthodox priest, who was visiting the U.S., got lost and asked Marine reservist Jasen D. Bruce for directions. The Marine conked the priest on the head with a tire iron and then chased him for several blocks, shouting “Terrorist!”

Now, what was all that liberal claptrap about military recruiters lowering their acceptance standards.

Ronald Reagan: Snubbed by an Ungrateful World

This is just typical! Par for the course. Those Goddamn Socialist Euroweenies spent the whole day celebrating the 20th anniversary of the collapse of the Berlin Wall — and they didn’t even mention the Swashbuckling American Hero who made it all possible.

Merkel and Gorbachev were front and center all through the celebrations. But what about Ronald Reagan??? Why is Gorbachev taking credit for any of this? What, some cheap-ass Communist punk was gonna tear down the Berlin Wall on his own???

When Ronald Reagan went riding off into the sunset, er, into East Germany, with his head tilted to one side, his facial features frozen into that permanent “aww shucks” expression, and those folksy one-liners streaming out one after another — them commies didn’t stand a chance.

Gorbachev tore down that wall because he knew damn well what would happen to him if he didn’t. The Leader Of The Free World made him tear it down. And now we’ve got a whole continent full of surrender monkeys, celebrating the freedom that Ronald Reagan gave them — and they didn’t even thank him!

Fortunately, a few patriotic Americans have remembered what really happened, and they’re giving credit where it’s due.

I suppose those sniveling ungrateful Nicaraguans won’t be honoring Reagan either.

And there’s still more disturbing news out there. Somehow — God only knows how this could have happened — American weapons have fallen into the hands of Afghan insurgents.

Why?!?!?

This is shocking! Unimaginable!!!

How could something like this possibly happen???

When Bad Behavior is Encouraged and Enabled

It’s become a tired cliché for older people to complain about today’s spoiled brats, especially in comparison to their own rugged childhood and strict upbringing. “My folks whupped me if I got out of line,” etc.

But maybe things really have gone too far the other way. This article talks about low expectations becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. The result is bad behavior which often continues into adulthood.

"Negative expectations on the part of both parents and children predict more negative behaviors later on,” according to a psychology professor.

The same professor also said, "Sometimes parents expect more negative behavior from their own adolescents than they should…”

Maybe some of the old adages were true after all. Who among us never got that stern parental warning: “Careful! What if your face froze in that position???”

And sometimes these badly-brought-up uneducated rubes get together with like-minded friends. The results are not pretty.

And now, Republican leaders are going over their to-do list, making sure there isn’t a single group they haven’t alienated yet.

Women — Check.
Hispanics — Check.
Blacks — Check.
Working people — Check.
Non-Biblethumpers — Check.
People with foreign-sounding last names — Check.
Jews — Check.

Apparently, some of those politically-correct oversensitive Jewish leaders are getting a tad irritated by the rightwads’ constant comparisons of Hitler and Obama. Gee, ya think?

Tom Coburn Hates Veterans

Senator Tom Coburn (R-Shitstain) has placed a legislative hold on the Veterans’ Caregiver and Omnibus Health Benefits Act of 2009 (S 1963). This is his way of protesting against the stimulus bill, which he has called “the worst act of generational theft in our nation’s history.”

Thirteen military and veterans’ groups have sent a letter to Harry Reid saying: “It is essential that Congress act on this comprehensive measure without further delay. Thousands of disabled veterans with serious medical conditions and the family members who care for them are counting on this additional support.”

Steve Robertson, the legislative director for The American Legion, met with Coburn’s staff to try arranging for some sort of compromise. No dice. He said:

“For a lot of family caregivers, delay is costing them their jobs and their savings. It’s having a big impact. They made it clear that Sen. Coburn sees this as using his rights as a senator to place a hold on a bill…I agree with that, but that doesn’t mean it makes sense to hold up a bill that would do a lot of good things for veterans that has cleared a committee and is ready for a vote.”

Sixty-one years ago an inbred redneck got fucked by a Neanderthal, and it gave birth to Tom Coburn. If you’d like to tell him that (in so many words), please click here.

A few other Senate Republicans learned something yesterday — something most of us already learned in elementary school. If you play hooky from school, the rest of the class will continue on without you. Time doesn’t stand still for you just because you’re having a tantrum.

For people who never learned this in school, the business world teaches the same lesson, often more bluntly. Don’t show up for work, and your coworkers will get along just fine without you. And your boss might discover that he/she doesn’t need you any more.

For the sake of all Republican readers out there (in case that isn’t an oxymoron), a well-known self-help book has now been rewritten: All I Really Need To Know, I learned when I was 57 years old.

This last story has a certain irony to it. Republicans won’t get it, but for people whose IQs are ABOVE freezing, it should be good for a laugh: At Michele Bachmann’s anti-Government Takeover anti-Socialized Medicine rally yesterday, one of the John Galt wannabes had a heart attack. Fortunately for Howard Roark Junior, some of those hated socialist bureaucrats were close at hand, and they resuscitated him.

As Mr. Bootstraps was being wheeled away by about ten government medical personnel, John Boner was spewing into his mike: “Join us in defeating Pelosi care!”

The Voters Have Spoken! Obama is Toast! FINISHED!!!

Sheesh, will the “liberal” media dial it down already. Two Republican governors get elected, and you’d think 300 million American citizens were charging toward the White House carrying torches and pitchforks.

Yes it sucks that two large states now have Republican governors. It’s not the end of the world.

I like the Upstate New York congressional race better. The 23rd District hasn’t sent a Democrat to Congress in over a hundred years. This should have been a slam dunk for the Republican candidate, Dierdre Scozzafava.

She was endorsed by the NRA and Newt Gingrich, among others. But she didn’t spew out enough fire and brimstone over abortion and gay rights, so the knuckledraggers kicked her out of their Big Tent. The single-digit-IQ brigade had their own knight in shining armor — Conservative Party Candidate Doug Hoffman. Calling all teabaggers, tenthers, afterbirthers, snakehandlers — here’s our chance to drive out those pansy moderates and Take Our Party Back!

Or as this article described it, Doug Hoffman got his teabags dunked. Democrat Bill Owens, a retired Air Force Captain, will now represent the 23rd District in Congress.

If you aren’t a resident of Washington State, the name Tim Eyman probably doesn’t mean anything. If you live in Washington, Tim Eyman is either a swashbuckling hero, saving Washington’s harried taxpayers from those tax-and-spend bureaucrats; or he’s a M&%$#&F#$%^&#in’ $#!%&%&$#!!#$%$#%#$!!!! There’s no in-between.

Eyman will never sleep as long as there’s still a library, public school, city park, fire department or any other socialist government service that hasn’t been shut down. His latest save-the-taxpayers gimmick got defeated yesterday. It was leading two to one in the polls just a few weeks ago. Thank God the voters came to their senses.

From the few pictures of him that I’ve seen, he looks like that nerdy comedian from several Seinfeld episodes; the one who kept saying “The best, Jerry. The Best!” and “I’ve been working out. I’m huge!”

Anyway, there was an interesting tidbit about him in last Sunday’s Seattle paper. It seems Tim Eyman himself is $250,000 in debt. That’s the amount he spent hiring all of those paid signature-gatherers so he could get his “grassroots revolt” onto the ballot. And now he doesn't have the money. I guess preaching about thrift and personal responsibility is more fun than actually practicing it.

Now before you go, here’s a short quiz (only five questions) you can have some fun with. I won’t give away any answers but here’s a little hint: no matter how sick and twisted you think the Far Right is — they’re even worse.

September 11th, 2001 — The Republican Rewrite

Here is what really happened that day:

On the morning of September 11th, 2001, the World Trade Center was attacked by waves of health reform socialists. Thousands of these pestilent liberals swarmed all over the Twin Towers, annihilating free enterprise and liberty everywhere they went.

In their wake, they left a heartbreaking trail of redistributed wealth and health insurance coverage for millions of previously uninsured Americans. The agony! America still hasn’t recovered from this Day of Infamy.

The Far Right has a new Official Demon™. When the Cold War ended, they needed a replacement for **Communism** and they came up with **The Homosexual Agenda**. Ever since September 11, 2001 **The Terrorists** (i.e. anyone with a dark complexion and a Middle Eastern name) has been their favorite code word.

And now those swarthy Arabs have been replaced. According to Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-Inbred), **Socialized Medicine** has replaced the darkskinned furriner as the thing Americans should fear most. Today on the House floor, she said:

“I believe the greatest fear that we all should have to our freedom comes from this room — this very room — and what may happen later this week in terms of a tax increase bill masquerading as a health care bill. I believe we have more to fear from the potential of that bill passing than we do from any terrorist right now in any country.”

Coming soon: Another one of those spontaneous demonstrations in Washington, DC. Michele Bachmann has summoned her gang of vacant-stare gullible dimwits to gather next week in D.C. They’ve been instructed to show their patriotic love for America and their visceral hatred of inept faceless bureaucrats meddling in their health care. They will carry out their marching orders as directed.

The next moderate pussy to be kicked out of the Republican Big Tent: George H.W. Bush.

In 1987, when he was still Reagan’s vice president, Bush told Mikhail Gorbachev: “Reagan is a conservative. An extreme conservative. All the blockheads and dummies are for him, and when he says that something is necessary, they trust him.”

OOOPS.

Republicans — Everybody is the ENEMY, Even Big Business

The current Republican Party is so anti-everything and so full of hatred and fear and loathing, they even hate their traditional allies. They probably hate themselves most of all. No wonder they're the biggest customers of those bondage and S&M hookers. "Whip Me!" "Gouge my nipple! Uuuugghhh!!! It hurts soo gooood!!!"

They aren’t even the party of Big Business any more. Their only purpose is to derail anything and everything Obama tries to do. And some of those traitorous corporations are actually cooperating with that commie president. NOOO!!!

The most glaring example right now is the health reform debate. As this article by Peter Suderman says:

“From the time the bill hit Congress, Republicans found themselves opposite big industry interests. From the drugmakers to the doctors to the insurers, every major player in the health-care battle declared themselves willing to work with Democrats to enact some variant on reform.”

Former Senate Majority Leaders Bob Dole and Bill Frist have both spoken out in favor of at least some portions of Obama’s health reform agenda. And they both have financial ties to the health care industry.

It’s the same with every other task Obama is trying to accomplish. Clean energy legislation, the stimulus, regulating the finance industry — some businesses are in favor of these reforms, or they’re at least wanting to cooperate and compromise with the Democrats. But Republicans? If that Kenyan Fascist Muslim babykilling Socialist wants it, Republicans are agin’ it. No ifs. No exceptions.

Whenever that Republican Big Tent threatens to get too big or too diverse, the exit door opens. Anyone who isn't hateful or bigoted enough gets the Heave-Ho.

This whole thing brings to mind Bob Dylan's hilarious 1960's song "Talkin' John Birch Paranoid Blues".

He's pretending to be a paranoid neurotic wingtard John Bircher type, thinking that everybody's a hidden Communist agent trying to subvert the country. He ends the song with "So now I'm sittin' home investigatin' myself! Hope I don't find out anything...hmmm, Great God!"

The next logical step is for Republicans to start torturing and executing themselves for being everything they hate. If only...

Republican “purists” always say they need to “stand for something,” to stick to their “principles” and weed out those pussy moderates and "RINOs." And what would those principles be? Anyone know???

What If Bush Had Done That?

That’s the question that this article is asking. “What if Bush had done that?”

I haven’t clicked on the story yet, but that’s an excellent question. What if Bush had done, well, anything.

Obama’s workload would be about a trillion percent easier if the Worst Dumbest Shittiest President EVER had done something — anything! — besides invading other countries and cutting taxes for his corporate donors.

As you know, Obama has spent the last few months fighting the fight of his life for health care reform. What if Bush had done that? Well, let’s see — eight years times 45,000 (the number of Americans who die each year from lack of health care) — about 360,000 Americans would be alive right now instead of being murder victims; victims of our mercenary health insurance industry.

Another Herculean challenge facing President Obama is: trying to rein in that gargantuan out-of-control Frankenstein known as the finance industry. He’s trying to re-establish some of the banking regulations we used to have up until twenty-odd years ago. What if Bush had done that? Well, for starters, the Great Financial Meltdown of 2008 — the worst since 1929 — would have been averted. Millions of unemployed Americans are no doubt wishing Bush had done that. They’d still have jobs, homes and bank accounts.

Climate change and the energy crisis are two more problems that will eat this country alive if something isn’t done. Obama is pushing for clean energy legislation which will start mitigating both of those crises. What if Bush had done that? Imagine that. Gasoline at $5 a gallon, global warming threatening to become our worst nightmare, thousands of knuckle-dragging inbred simplefucks blubbering about “Drill Baby Drill!” — all of this would’ve been something out of a bad science fiction movie.

Also, President Obama scored higher than 100 on an IQ test. What if Bush had done that?

When a Billionaire Has Fallen and Can’t Get Up

I hate to point out a silver lining in the housing collapse that’s fucked over so many millions of Americans. But Goddamn it, this just Feeels Sooo Fuckin’ Gooood.

The biggest real estate deal in American history has collapsed. Now I don’t care if a few filthy rich people find a way to make even more money and get even richer. But this particular scam — even though it was perfectly legal — would have made billions of dollars at the expense of thousands of renters who had been playing by the rules, doing everything right, and almost had the rug pulled out from under them.

Sometimes lightning strikes the right person.

In 2006, an investment group led by New York City real estate firm Tishman Speyer Properties and BlackRock Realty Advisors purchased two huge Manhattan apartment complexes — Stuyvesant Town and Peter Cooper Village. And of course the $5.4 billion price included the lives of the 25,000 people in those two apartment complexes.

$5.4 billion for 25,000 people. Well, at least that’s more valuable than the “ten dollars a life!” from the “In Cold Blood” murders — mostly because of inflation, not because of any sort of ethics or morals on the part of these wannabe robber barons.

The Crooks Who Would Be King are almost certain to default on their $3 billion mortgage and the $1.4 billion secondary loan they bought the property with.

Their plans for converting thousands of apartments into luxury condos — to be sold at market value — are up in smoke. Awww.

A few would-be oligarchs have fallen and they can’t get up. And twenty-five thousand middle class renters can keep their lives. Works for me.

In other news: this headline is asking Are Humans Still Evolving?

Are?

You?

Fuckin’

Kidding???

Still More Republican Lies About Health Care Reform

Every time the Republicans recite the bullshit their HMO puppetmasters tell them to recite, the lie gets refuted over and over. And like a cat that keeps jumping up on the table no matter how many times you push him off, the Republicans keep coming back with more intelligence-insulting lies to the American people. Is anybody still listening?

Yesterday’s weekly GOP radio/internet address was delivered by Republican Nebraska Sen. Mike Johanns. His health insurance johns instructed their prostitute to keep spewing out their same old talking points, and Senator Johanns performed his assigned task as ordered.

If repeated lies could be physically transformed into fecal matter, Senator Johanns’ mouth would look like a whale with explosive diarrhea.

“To the factory worker, who has forgone pay raises for the promise of better insurance benefits for you and your family: your health insurance will be taxed and your premiums will go up.”

“To the recent college graduate burdened with student loans: you'll be forced to buy health insurance the government mandates, and if you refuse, you'll be hit with a penalty.”

“To our seniors, who wish to receive care in the comfort of their homes: funding for hospice care and home health care services would be cut.”

First of all, if you actually believe the Republican Party gives a flying fuck about factory workers, senior citizens or recent college graduates (unless they’re MBAs on their way to Wall Street) — I can get you a great deal on some oceanfront property in Kansas.

And who exactly still listens to the GOP weekly address? Does their audience include ANYBODY whose parents aren’t first cousins???

Uh oh, Senator Johanns forgot to mention Death Panels, and the thousands of Canadian citizens who are dying on the Emergency Room floor every week while they wait and wait and wait for some faceless socialist bureaucrat to help them.

Maybe the most blatant Republican lies are being quietly taken out of circulation. But they keep coming up with new ones, and there's always a new battalion of inbreds who will believe them.