It Was All A Big Misunderstandin’
“Whah Hail, Ah didn’t mean them comminist devil-worshippin’ democrats had to leave mah church. Is that what excomupoop, uh, er, excommunicate means? There Ah go again, usin’ them big words I cain’t pronounce and don’t even know the meanin’ of.”
As you probably know by now, the Reverend Chan Chandler of East Waynesboro, NC excommunicated nine members of his church. Their unforgivable sins were: 1) voting for John Kerry; and 2) refusing to sign a document saying they had repented and now agreed with their minister’s political views.
Surely the Bible has something to say about people using their position of authority to repress other people, and then pretending they were “misunderstood” when they get called on it. If so, this self-righteous Baptist Minister is in trouble. Maybe not legal trouble, but if the Bible means anything more to him than just a club to bully people with, he’s got some ‘splainin’ to do when he goes to his reward.
As usual, it was mostly bloggers and other independent news sources who gave this story its early momentum. The mainstream corporate “media” were mostly just sitting on their thumbs and drooling over their sales figures and merger plans.
And now that he’s been thrust into the spotlight, the Ayatollah Chandler is running away with his tail between his legs. It was all just a big misunderstanding, and he’s hurt that anyone could have reacted this way. Like a cockroach that scurries away when someone turns on the lights, Chandler has now gone from fire and brimstone to “I am resigning with gratitude in my heart for all of you, particularly those of you who love me and my family.” Coward.
Perhaps every historical figure who got caught with their hands in the cookie jar should have a chance to rewrite history and exonerate themselves. That poor Richard Nixon had his presidency ruined by the Watergate scandal, and it wasn’t even his fault. Here’s what really happened:
Nixon was giving a rousing pep talk to Gordon Liddy and the other six Watergate burglars. He was trying to get them all fired up about defeating the Democrats in the upcoming election, and in the middle of his speech he said “this could be your big break.” And somehow those seven dunces misunderstood. They thought he was — gasp! — telling them to break into the Democratic headquarters in the Watergate building. No!!!
Well, you know the rest. A decent, honest-to-a-fault president was forever scandalized and tainted because his hired help misunderstood him.