Jesus Was A Homosexual!
Fellow Christians, you’ll need to be sitting down when you read this terrible news. It has now been proven that our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ was a, a, a — oh God I can’t even make myself say it — a homosexual! Say it Goddamnit, Jesus was a homosexual! The Son of God was a gristlemuncher!
The American Family Association has taken on the painful task of breaking this news to us. This incriminating photograph proves everything. All peepees and other icky un-Godly body parts have been airbrushed out of the photo, so it’s safe for viewing.
But we must all be strong and look at this photo. Look long and hard, and let the horrible meaning sink in. The rug has been pulled out from under us. Our beliefs have been shattered. Everything we know is wrong.
The Reverend Donald Wildmon needs to be commended for his bravery in sending this painful news to all of us. Please don’t shoot the messenger — the Wildomater is absolutely devastated by all of this.
But, after we’ve all grasped this awful truth, and what it all means, we must make adjustments and move on. If Jesus was a homosexual, then He was showing us the way. We must copy him. This will be a difficult change for millions of Godfearing Christians, but change we must:
Breeders are evil! Heterosexuality is just a lifestyle choice. And now we must switch and make the Right choice. Jesus said so.