Cuba: We Want Our Colony Back
Before we were so rudely interrupted, we owned a tropical island paradise, right here in our own backyard. This little "interruption" has been going on for forty-seven years now. Enough is enough!
For the past forty-seven years, decent Americans have been praying (e.g. “what the fuck are You waiting for???”) for an end to this un-American monstrosity at our doorstep. Now that Castro is either dead or near death, let’s put an end to this nonsense once and for all. We want our colony back.
God created Cuba for one, and only one, reason: to serve as an exotic vacationland where Important Americans could go to unwind. Cuba’s colorful natives and peasants were only too eager to serve as guides, servants and prostitutes for their American guests. It’s what they’re for.
They were happy then. They didn’t start running around sniveling about “unfairness” or being “exploited” until those damn Communists came in and got them all stirred up.
Our back yard was such a nice place before Castro came along and ruined everything. Cuba, Guatemala and El Salvador were all blessed with America’s favorite export: democracy at the point of a gun. Everybody was happy. Friendly generals were watching over American business interests, and simple happy natives didn’t have to worry about thinking for themselves. Everybody wins.
Those were the days…Ward and June Cleaver, Lucille Ball, and friendly colonial dictators who cheerfully said “how high, Sir” whenever we said “Jump!” It doesn’t get any better than that.
Let’s turn back the clock.