Who Hijacked Our Country

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Some Species Are Endangered, and Some…

Good news for the Florida Panther. This species almost went extinct, but it’s now starting to make a comeback. There are about a hundred of them in the Southwestern edge of the Florida Everglades.

Now the bad news: These few remaining Florida Panthers might not survive if they keep losing their habitat. They could be driven to extinction by encroaching hordes of Suburbus Douchebagus, which unfortunately is NOT an endangered species.

The Florida Panther’s habitat is being surrounded by some of the fastest-growing cities and suburbs in the country. This means more encounters between people and panthers. A U.S. Fish and Wildlife biologist says “The way we’re building, we’re going to push the panthers out. My big concern is the panther will become a zoo relic. If we build out even half the potential of what the state says we can, forget about the panthers.”

We’ve all heard about self-absorbed assholes who move next door to a farm and then complain about noises and odors. Now it seems some of their twisted relatives are moving to the edge of a wilderness and then being furious that they might have an encounter with …..drum roll…..a wild animal. DUUUHHH!!!

Newcomers have been warned not to let children and pets outside at twilight. But if the world revolves around you, then that’s not what you want to hear. Barbara Jean Powell, a local “property rights” advocate, said “I personally want humans to stay on top of the food chain.” Let’s see now…six billion people, a hundred panthers — guess who’s on top of the food chain, you stupid shit.

She also said “It’s an assault on rural America to say ‘Don’t let your kids outside at night.’ It’s got no place being here. It’s a dangerous animal.” OK, we’ll just let an endangered species go extinct so you won’t have to suffer any inconvenience. Fuckin’ Pusbucket!! Like the bumpersticker says, “You! Out of the Gene Pool!”

Another local resident came face to face with a panther while she was INSIDE the wildlife refuge. (Did she think she was visiting a theme park???) It came up behind her while she was sitting at a picnic table. She jumped up and waved her arms and it just sauntered off; not scared, not aggressive. But she was shaken up, and she said “We don’t need them here. This animal does not need to be protected anymore.” Or you could just move to an urban environment and get away from all those icky wild animals. Asshole.

Unfortunately the douchebags will probably end up having their way. A local biologist doesn’t have much hope for the panthers’ ultimate survival. “We’ve hit the slippery slope and we’re closing in on the bottom. We’re all getting frustrated with congestion and high cost of housing, but we’ve got to achieve a balance. We simply cannot afford to take over every square foot of Florida and put a house on it.”


Blogger Damien said...

Dude we totally hear about the same kinds of people time and time again, "Oh no a Kayote ate my cat, or a bear is sleeping in my hamock"
(hmmm I went a tad far with that analogy). You just want to grab them and say "no shit sherlock, you built your house were they live" get used to it, they were there first!!!

December 7, 2006 at 3:27 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Damien: Yup, so true. If people are gonna live on the edge of a wilderness, they might be tangling with wild animals. If they can't handle that then they can move back to the city.

December 7, 2006 at 3:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good post. I'm totally rooting for the panthers.

December 7, 2006 at 5:19 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

J. Marquis: Thanks. That's who I'm rooting for.

December 7, 2006 at 7:32 PM  
Blogger PoliShifter said...

Something tells me many animal species will out live the human species.

We're so disconnected from our environments we don't realize how much we depend on all creatures great and small for our survival.

Take away the panthers and these fuckers will complain about their yards being eaten away by rabbits.

We have this problem where I live. We are surrounded by a wildlife refuge.

People complain about the coyotes and mountain lions prompting a round up of them.

Then they complain about the rabbits eating their begonias.

We're so removed from our food, water supply, and our environment.

We think food magically appears at the store. We don't connect what factory farms are doing to our land is detrimental to its long term ability to produce crops.

It will all come crashing down sooner or later.

The day will come soon when we'll walk into the store looking for some fresh fish and there won't be any.

Maybe then, just maybe, SOME people will start to realize "gee maybe we should work with nature instead of destroying the fuck out of it".

December 8, 2006 at 4:22 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

PoliShifter: You’re right, it’s amazing how many people will move to a rural area and then find something to complain about. In California, mountain lions are becoming more and more of a “problem,” i.e. thousands of urban refugees are moving into wilderness areas where there are mountain lions. And every now and then some Darwin Awards candidate goes out jogging in the woods at twilight and gets killed by a mountain lion.

And of course they’ll have a hissyfit when deer and rabbits (which were there first) come in and eat their gardens. Like you say, people seem to think food just appears on the supermarket shelf. There’s a total disconnect.

December 8, 2006 at 5:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi. Jeff Klinkenberg of the St. Pete Times here. I write about Florida culture and I'm going to write soon about the encounters between panthers and humans. I really enjoyed reading your blog and wanted to get in contact with you.
(727) 893-8727

March 9, 2007 at 12:36 PM  

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