Who Hijacked Our Country

Monday, February 11, 2008

America’s Newest Export: Jesus

No, it’s not true that America has to import everything and that we have nothing to contribute to the rest of the world. We do too.

Even as we speak, boatloads of Bible-totin’ fire-and-brimstone-spewing Christians are being shipped out to ports all up and down Europe and Britain. They're cheaper by the gross.

Ah heck, maybe this will do ‘em some good. Europeans are too bland; too much ennui and sophistication. Maybe a little holy rollin’ and hootin’ and hollerin’ will inject some life into them.

Answers in Genesis is an American organization — based in Kentucky — that’s trying to spread Creationism throughout Britain and the rest of Europe. Battles over Creationism vs. Evolution have actually been spreading to Britain, Germany, Poland and Italy.

Creationism is still pretty much marginalized in Europe, but it’s increasing. Evangelical worship is spreading all over the Continent. Don’t they have enough problems already?

And now some homegrown organizations are following in the footsteps of Answers in Genesis. A British group called Truth in Science has been sending DVDs to every high school in Britain, trying to argue for “intelligent design.” And if that’s not bad enough, an organization called AH Trust wants to build a Christian theme park in northwestern England.

The president of Britain’s National Secular Society (founded in 1866) is concerned about the increasing spread of Evangelicals: “Creationism is creeping into the schools. There is a constant pressure to get these ideas into the schools."

Simon Barrow is the co-director of Ekklesia, a British-based, Christian-oriented research group. He says that until recently, there were lots of people who held Evangelical views but also endorsed mainstream science. He says the militancy and the "either-or" battles have been imported from the United States in the last few years. "There is a lot of American influence, and there are a lot of moral and political and financial resources flowing from the United States to here. Now you have more extreme religious groups trying to get a foothold."

The Council of Europe is a human rights watchdog group consisting of 47 countries. They're worried about the quality of education in Europe being jeopardized if their schools are flooded with Creationism and other religious dogma. They're right to be worried. All they have to do is look across the Atlantic. Note the extreme mass gullibility and lack of critical thinking skills in that country. Be very afraid.

cross-posted at Bring It On!

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Blogger PoliShifter said...

I say export every last one of them....and take away their passports so they can't get back in the country...

February 11, 2008 at 3:55 PM  
Blogger J. Marquis said...

That's too bad. I'm glad we've beaten them back here.

February 11, 2008 at 5:27 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

PoliShifter: Excellent idea! Let them find out what most Brits and Europeans think of their tent revivals and bookburnings.

J: They're sort of like that mythical monster with all the heads. Cut off one head and another one appears.

February 11, 2008 at 6:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is a great way of exporting democracy.

February 11, 2008 at 7:50 PM  
Anonymous rockync said...

Actually, this will all become a moot point when all humankind has killed each other off. And we seem to be getting there quickly.

February 11, 2008 at 9:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That last comment was from me, sorry i didn't sign.


February 11, 2008 at 10:59 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Jo: Yup, we're taking all the best parts of our culture and sharing them with the world. I'm sure they're thrilled.

Rockync: You're right, there seem to be more and more reasons to kill The Enemy. Wrong religion, wrong color, wrong political party -- kill the MF#@$%&@$!

February 11, 2008 at 11:25 PM  
Blogger Carlos said...

Evangelical missionaries will ruin our country. As if that weren’t enough, they’re setting their sights on Europe. Nice.

So many of them are so hypocritical – so unkind, intolerant, and out of touch with the basic tenets of Christianity. They twist the words in the bible to suit their needs to reach their ends. They even go so far as to make up their own churches – converting houses and storefronts into Billy Bob’s Church of the Universal Fear of God – and then they try to shove that shit down our throats. They’d do a lot better to convert people by example – by emulating the good, forgiveness, tolerance and kindness that Jesus character of theirs represents.

I am very afraid.

February 12, 2008 at 3:00 AM  
Blogger Randal Graves said...

First McDonald's, now this.

"Yeah, I'd like one McBible burger, a side of fries and a chocolate shake. And can I get a couple of packets of Jesus' blood for my fries?"

February 12, 2008 at 6:14 AM  
Blogger Miss Kitty said...

So, so true. Can we send them all to Idaho and Montana, and then fence the states in?

February 12, 2008 at 7:54 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Carlos: Good description. They sure do a good job of tuning out the 90% of the Bible that talks about compassion and helping others, and just focusing on a few hateful passages from the Old Testament. And I don't think abortion is even mentioned anywhere in the Bible. There are herbs and acupressure points that can induce an abortion, and these methods have been around for millennia; I'm sure people knew about them back when the Bible was written.

Randal: Jesus' blood -- once you've tried that you'll never go back to ketchup again.

Miss Kitty: But there's such beautiful scenery in those 2 states. Interstate 5 in California goes through some of the most hideous landscape imaginable. We could herd them all in there and fence them in. People can point to them and laugh as they're driving by.

February 12, 2008 at 11:26 AM  
Blogger Mile High Pixie said...

Are there any fundamentalists in Europe complaining about all these American immigrants takin' their jobs?

[South Park voice] "Takin' our jahhbs!"

And how tacky of Americans to do in 2008 what Europeans already did to the West in the 1500s! Trying to convert free and free-thinking peopel to their particular dogma? Gag me with a conquistador!

February 12, 2008 at 6:03 PM  
Blogger J. Marquis said...

Yeah, it's kind of ironic that our missionaries are headed to Europe. Hope we don't end up giving them smallpox.

February 12, 2008 at 6:10 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Mile High Pixie: "Gag me with a conquistador" LOL. True, this is kind of a reverse of the 1500s when refugees came here to avoid religious persecution (and practice their own version here while they were at it). Now they're going back to Europe because there isn't enough religious persecution over there. Whatever.

February 12, 2008 at 6:12 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

J: I think our missionaries are spreading another disease that's even worse than smallpox: Fundamentalism.

February 12, 2008 at 6:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like the Puritans are finally getting their revenge.


February 12, 2008 at 6:40 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Erik: Yup, their moment has finally arrived. They've waited hundreds of years for it.

February 12, 2008 at 11:13 PM  
Blogger Snave said...

"Even as we speak, boatloads of Bible-totin’ fire-and-brimstone-spewing Christians are being shipped out to ports all up and down Europe and Britain. They're cheaper by the gross."

The good part about this is that are, in fact, leaving the country. The sad part is that it's part of their strategy for world conquest, and there are gullible people all over the world who will buy into their line of crap. How about "One WORLD, Under God", with everyone kneeling before the Christian Flag?

I believe America is spiritually sick, and as our population reaches a saturation point for this type of crap (hopefully), America spreads and shares the virus (or mind-virus, if you will) with others. We burst at the seams with looniness, and because we think we rule the world, we also feel the need to spread the fun to our international friends.

I have a hard time believing that Europeans could be so dumb that Creationism and Christian fundamentalism would be spreading across the Continent and gaining in popularity there, but I can see how having the bogeyman of Islamic terrorism for use as a recruiting tool could be a reason for gains these goofballs might be making.

Carlos is right. I think evangelical ministry exports what is worst about America and what is least representative of the spirit of our nation as it was created by our Founding Fathers. We are a nation of laws, and I believe we should also be a nation of critical thinkers, leaders, and innovators. Instead, these buck-toothed mouth-breathers are going abroad and portraying America as a nation of non-reasoning, magical-thinking follower who believe science is Satan's bailiwick.

"All they have to do is look across the Atlantic. Note the extreme mass gullibility and lack of critical thinking skills in that country. Be very afraid."

I hope they are afraid... not afraid of being attacked by Islamic terrorists, but rather afraid of losing what rights and liberties they have, afraid of scientific advancement getting suppressed, and afraid of mind control of the worst kind.

J. Marquis, the missionaries did give the Native Americans smallpox. I hope it works the other way around in this case!

Because European nations have been in the business of being nations a lot longer than we have, I like to think they are better equipped to deal with potential problems such as this. They have deeper histories than America does, more historical examples to refer to than we do here from which to learn. For example, I would submit that the Spanish Inquisition directly affected life in Europe more than it did America. I would also submit that maybe France didn't want to join Bush in Iraq because so much of their history has involved bloody war. I think it is safe to say they have been in more wars than the United States has, and their history goes back a lot farther than ours. Europe simply has more examples in history to guide it in ways which are right or not right for avoiding trouble.

America is still a comparitively young country, although the things I am seeing here look more like death throes than growing pains.

Erik said "Sounds like the Puritans are finally getting their revenge." Tom answered "Yup, their moment has finally arrived. They've waited hundreds of years for it."

But I have to add this: what they have been waiting for for nearly two thousand years hasn't happened, though, has it!

February 14, 2008 at 1:47 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Snave: Good analogy -- that rabid fundamentalism is like a virus and we're spreading it to the rest of the world. America sneezes and now England has it too. We sneeze again and now Italy has it.

I really can't picture most Brits or Europeans getting caught up in this. Religious beliefs are one thing, but that whole gung ho fundamentalism, that religious zeal -- it totally clashes with everything I've ever seen in Europe.

You're right, these mouthbreathing missionaries are about the worst ambassadors we could choose to represent America. We're already suffering from the Ugly American stereotype -- it'll soon go from bad to worse.

Yes we've been waiting for 2,000 years for that glorious day, but have faith, Brother. That day will come. Jesus will come back and all of us decent folk will be whisked up to Heaven. And that magic day is worth waiting for.

February 14, 2008 at 2:27 PM  
Anonymous Dave from Sequim said...

Jesus Christ, as if our reputation isn't bad enough already. It's going to answer the question as to how America could elect a bumbling miscreant TWICE. Answer: It's a country full of backward yahoos.

February 14, 2008 at 5:11 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Hi Dave, how's everything going? Yup, this is gonna make America's overseas reputation even worse, having a bunch of Biblethumping Adam-and-Eve-spouting yahoos running loose all over Europe.

February 14, 2008 at 5:57 PM  

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