Who Hijacked Our Country

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Clarence Thomas Apologizes

Finally! Bet you never thought you’d see “Clarence Thomas” and “Apology” in the same story.

But better late than never. After nineteen years of blighting the Supreme Court with some of the most boneheaded twisted “reasoning” imaginable, Justice Clarence Thomas has come clean:

“When the history of this period gets written, my name will probably be synonymous with ‘What Was He Thinking???’ And looking back on these past nineteen years, I admit I haven’t got a fuckin’ clue.

“People must wonder if I have multiple personalities. Let me plead the Fifth on that. An individual has absolutely no rights whatsoever, but corporations are people and they can do whatever they want when they want. And don't forget, money and speech are the exact same thing. Don't ask me how I know; I just know.

“Also, states’ rights are sacred. That big bloated meddling federal government has no business barging into a state’s internal matters. Unless the president — whom I appointed, heeheehee — doesn’t like what that state is doing. In that case, one of my other personalities takes over and I go SQUISH. SQUELCH. End of story. Like that assisted suicide law that was passed overwhelmingly by the voters of Oregon. I ruled against it because, uhh, well, because I can. Unfortunately I was outvoted by those liberal wusses on the Court. So for now, a terminally ill person suffering in agony can still choose to end his/her life even if the Spanish Inquisition doesn’t approve. But I tried.

“I probably caught the most shit for my dissenting opinion about that 13-year-old drug-addicted slut who didn’t want to be strip-searched by the school principal. And not one other Supreme Court Justice backed me up on my decision. Pansies! She was smuggling Ibuprofen into the school with her, and the authorities kept not finding it. I wanted her to be strip-searched. She was one hot babe and I wanted to see…ahem…but I digress…

“And now the liberal media is trying to make some sort of “conflict of interest” out of my wife’s teabagging activities. I can truthfully say to you that there is absolutely no connection between my wife’s teabuggery and my own Far Right decisions on the Supreme Court.

“And if you believe that, I’ve got a bridge to sell you.”

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7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

What this woman doesn't realize, is that many women complained to Senate Investigators about Thomas' behavior only two were called to testify and out of those two, only Anita wound up testifying with the woman sitting in the back wondering when she was going to be called, she never was.

The other woman was white - draw your own conclusions.

The whole process was controlled by the Republicans who wanted to make this as easy as possible and give the country an impression a lone, crazy, black woman is making the accusation against our good man Clarence Thomas.

I say get all those other women together and lets have a real talk fest, see how Mrs. Thomas likes it then.

Erik

October 20, 2010 at 5:57 PM  
Blogger jadedj said...

You sly dog...I though this was for real. Made my day. Very clever!

October 20, 2010 at 6:02 PM  
Anonymous S.W. Anderson said...

The 60's term for a guy like Thomas was Uncle Tom. In his case, it's Uncle Tom on steroids.

The neocons, the "movement conservatives," around Bush 41 wanted Thomas on the Supreme Court so bad they could hardly stand it. Bush 41, like McCain, never really stood in well with the neocons, but he needed and wanted their loyal support. So, he had no problem choosing Thomas and supporting him when all the controversy arose.

That still didn't do Bush 41 much good. Neocons dropped him like used toilet paper after he raised taxes. That went a long way to killing his chance to win re-election. (My heart bleeds, I tell ya.)

BTW, not duplicating his old man's "mistakes" and not being a one-term president was George W. Bush's top priority. That explains a lot about his presidency. Oddly and ironically, about the only thing he did that really got off with movement conservatives was nominating Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court. Unfortunately for the rest of us, Miers would probably have been a less destructive justice than Thomas, Alito and Roberts.

October 20, 2010 at 7:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

SW

Thomas name never came up for consideration until Thurgood Marshall retired

Imagine that

Erik

October 21, 2010 at 8:50 AM  
Blogger TomCat said...

You didn't fool me, Tom. That token traitor will never tell. He's a Teabagger too.

October 21, 2010 at 12:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Clarence isn't fit to be a judge in anything like a courtroom.

Fuccking pitiful.

October 21, 2010 at 1:19 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Erik: I didn't remember that, that many women complained about Thomas but Anita Hill was the only one called to testify.

No doubt Clarence Thomas was the perfect opportunity for Bush 41 to hire a token Black and get a Far Right fanatic onto the Supreme Court at the same time.

jadedj: He should apologize but he never will.

SW: "Uncle Tom on steroids" -- good description. You're right that Bush 41 didn't have much credibility with the Far Right, and Clarence Thomas was his chance to suck up to them.

TC: Yup, a traitor and a teabagger rolled into one.

Anonymous: "Fucking pitiful" is exactly right.

October 21, 2010 at 4:14 PM  

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