Who Hijacked Our Country

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

Newt Gingrich Volunteering to Go Fight in Libya

OOPS — sorry, I mis-read that. He isn’t offering to go there HIMSELF and fight. [sheesh] [pshaw] What was I thinking? He just wants OTHER PEOPLE to go to Libya and get killed or maimed. For WHAT???

I thought the United States was broke. Our infrastructure is collapsing, our “education” system is the laughingstock of the world and millions of Americans are in economic freefall with no safety net. And yet there’s apparently a secret trillion-dollar stash hidden away for special emergencies — like invading another country ten thousand miles away.

Newt Gingrich wants to invade Libya “this evening.”

“…It’s also an ideological problem. The United States doesn’t need anybody’s permission. We don’t need to have NATO, who frankly, won’t bring much to the fight. We don’t need to have the United Nations…All we have to do is suppress his air force, which we could do in minutes.”

Ah yes, it’ll be over in just a few minutes. Kinda like our cakewalk in Iraq, which was supposed to take a few weeks at the very most. How’d that work out?

“The United States doesn’t need anybody’s permission.” That’s right. We’ve been going downhill and backwards for years now, but America is still Number One God Damn It!

When Neuter Grinch says “we don’t need” NATO or the United Nations, he really means there’s no more “Coalition of the Willing.” That ship has sailed. The last bridge has been burned. Lucy yanked the football away from Charlie Brown one time too many.

Our military has already been bled dry from our quagmires in Iraq and Afghanistan. Recruiting standards have been lowered and lowered and lowered again. By now, every 42-year-old drug-addicted couch potato with a low IQ and a criminal record who might want to enlist, probably already has. Who would we be sending in to carry out Quagmire Number Three?

Newt Gingrich should stick to doing what he does best. Neuter: Why don’t you go serve divorce papers on your fourth wife, or whatever number you’re on now. Or are you waiting for her to get sick first?

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Blogger Mauigirl said...

Newt is a dangerous man. If he really is running for president I am going to live in fear!

March 8, 2011 at 2:07 PM  
Blogger jadedj said...

Well see, you have to look at this as a mission for God. God mistakenly put all that there oily stuff under the sands of Libya, and God needs us Christian nation types to go over there and get it back for him. I am sure Newtoot is in direct contact with the big G himself regards this divine fuck up.

March 8, 2011 at 3:48 PM  
Blogger Jack Jodell said...

Newt baby may be a gentleman's Rish Limbaugh, but he's still an arrogantand mouthy horse's ass who is WRONG about EVERYTHING!

March 8, 2011 at 5:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Remember Doonesbury's symbol for Newt was a lit Bomb!


March 9, 2011 at 12:08 AM  
Anonymous Tim said...

I hope he chokes on a baloney sandwich. This is how he makes his living, running for President. This guy could have done the Ned Beatty character in deliverance. Squeal like a pig, hey you do it for Koch..

March 9, 2011 at 4:15 AM  
Blogger Randal Graves said...

Just wait until all this spreads to say, oh, I don't know, Saudi Arabia, and gas hits 5, 6, 7, 8 bucks a gallon, every shlub of every stripe is going to demand swift, creamy justice.

March 9, 2011 at 6:12 AM  
Blogger Snave said...

What Mauigirl said.

Newt would hope to get elected president and for his party to take control of Congress.

Then, in a manner similar to what the state GOPs are doing in Wisconsin and Ohio, he could ram through any unpalatable legislation he wanted, including something like a draft. There would be nothing anyone could do about it, and hey, it would provide work for lots of Americans who still won't be able to find jobs by then. Plus, it might give us enough troops to carry out a couple more wars.

But then there is that problem of money. Where would the money for the wars come from? Newt would find a punitive way to go about finding the dollars to fund more wars. He is a mean little man, and may not really embody what America is about.

March 9, 2011 at 12:05 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Mauigirl: He's dangerous but I don't think he has a prayer of getting elected.

jadedj: Newt and the Big G can both go F themselves :)

Jack: He may be more gentlemanly than Limbaugh, but underneath that he's even meaner and sleazier.

Erik: I'd forgotten that. I remember Dan Quayle was a feather and George HW Bush was an empty suit, but I forget the rest of his symbols.

Tim: LOL, that Deliverance role would be perfect for Gingrich.

Randal: Russia has huge oil reserves too. Might as well cut to the chase and start the invasions.

Snave: You're absolutely right about Gingrich being "a mean little man." Americans generally have to like a presidential candidate before they vote for him/her, and Gingrich is about as likable as syphilis.

March 9, 2011 at 7:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Clinton was a waffle with butter
GW Bush was a Roman Centurion Helmet with a tattered plumage
That's all I can remember


March 9, 2011 at 9:34 PM  
Anonymous Carlos said...

Newt needs to STFU and go away. What an idiot. As if we're not already hated enough by Muslims. What's gonna be his next idea, a mandate that all government restrooms have urinal mints adorned with pictures of the prophet Mohammed?

Fucking idiot.

March 10, 2011 at 3:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe we should send in drones instead.

March 10, 2011 at 1:40 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Carlos: It's definitely time for Gingrich to STFU. He and Sarah Palin are in the same position. They both make jillions of dollars every time they open their mouths. Nice work if you can get it.

March 10, 2011 at 2:18 PM  

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