Dow Chemical Grief-Stricken over Scalia's Death

Sorry, robber barons — Mitch McConnell and his fellow prostitutes won't be able to help you this time.

Dow Chemical has been facing a long-standing $835 million class action suit over price-fixing.  The company was counting on the Supreme Court, i.e. the Corporate Five, to dismiss the suit, as per Standard Operating Procedure.  But now that the greasiest sickfuck-est of them all has finally died, Dow Chemical has decided to settle the case.

A Dow spokesperson has announced that the court's current lineup has “increased the likelihood for unfavorable outcomes for business involved in class action suits.”

Robert Peck of the Center for Constitutional Litigation said “I think most corporations facing class actions regarded Justice Scalia as a friend.  He has been a thoroughly consistent vote on their side of the equation.”

Yes, if by “friend” you mean corrupt bribe-taking prostitute with corporate jism smeared all over his face.

All Right!!!  Maybe this will be a new trend.  Let the dominoes start falling.  This could be the start of something beautiful.