Gorbachev Bitch-Slaps Bush

Things have come full circle. The Red Menace that we were afraid would “bury us” — the Evil Empire — is now warning the President of the United States about his dangerous and reckless behavior.

Mikhail Gorbachev, who presided over the breakup of the Soviet Union in 1989, accused Bush of “sowing disorder across the world by seeking to build an empire.”

He said that after the Cold War ended, “The Americans then gave birth to the idea of a new empire, world leadership by a single power, and what followed? What has followed are unilateral actions, what has followed are wars, what has followed is ignoring the U.N. Security Council, ignoring international law and ignoring the will of the people, even the American people.”

He continued: “When I look at today’s world I have a worrying feeling about the growth of world disorder. I don’t think the current President of the United States and his administration will be able to change the situation as it is developing now — it is very dangerous…It is a massive strategic mistake: no single center can command the entire world, no one.”

Gorbachev knows first hand what he's talking about. When the Soviet Union collapsed on his watch, the Soviet military was hopelessly quagmired in Afghanistan, which was supposed to be a “slam dunk” nine years earlier. The war in Afghanistan, together with the out-of-control military spending which pushed the Soviet government into bankruptcy, was the death knell for the Soviet Union.

On the other hand, Iraqmire, together with America’s trillion dollar deficit — oops, don’t even go there…

George W. Bush: “Won't Somebody Please Come Out and Play with Me??”

Wanted: We are now accepting applicants for the exciting new position of War Czar. Just think of the opportunity — YOU could be in charge of our ongoing military adventures in Iraq and Afghanistan. Come on, there's light at the end of the tunnel. The insurgency is on its last legs.

The Bush Administration created this position several weeks ago, with no publicity. They were hoping they could quietly fill the position and then Bush could hold a big ceremony where he would announce the new position and who would be filling it. The best laid plans…

So far, three retired generals have been offered this position — and they’ve turned it down. These generals include retired Marine General John J. Sheehan, a former NATO commander. He said "The very fundamental issue is, they don't know where the hell they're going." He said that pragmatists who want to find a way out of Iraq are overpowered in the White House by the Cheney philosophy of stay and stay and stay until either we win or Hell freezes over. "So rather than go over there, develop an ulcer and eventually leave, I said, 'No, thanks.' "

Who could possibly turn down an opportunity like this? What kind of job could be more challenging? Let’s see: how about being the last-minute replacement skipper on the Titanic. Or Tom DeLay might be looking for a new Public Relations manager.

Good News From Pakistan

The tribal region of Northern Pakistan has long been a sanctuary for Islamic terrorists. This area has been suspected of harboring Osama bin Laden. But lately the local tribesmen have been turning against foreign terrorists operating in their country.

About fifty Islamic militants — mostly from Uzbekistan and Chechnya — were killed earlier today in clashes with native Pakistanis. A Pakistani official said all together about 177 foreign militants have been killed by locals since last week.

The Pakistani government has been unsuccessful in getting rid of al Qaeda and other terrorist groups, especially in the tribal regions. But lately the government has been signing treaties with some of the tribes, hoping to drive a wedge between the tribesmen and foreign terrorists. This approach seems to be working.

The latest battle started when a terrorist group tried to forcibly recruit students from a local tribal school.

Now THIS is the way to fight the Global War On Terror. Persuasion. Capturing the hearts and minds of millions of people, village by village, tribe by tribe. It beats the shit out of alienating the rest of the world by bombing, invading and occupying.

Afghanistan and the tribal regions of Pakistan have never been conquered by an outside army. The Soviet Union in the 1980s and England in the early 1900s are the most recent would-be conquerors to get their asses kicked. Now it’s al Qaeda’s turn.

Afghanistan, Opium and the War on Drugs

Afghanistan is one of the world’s poorest countries. On top of that, they’ve been in a perpetual state of war since 1979 when they were invaded by the Soviet Union. War with the Soviets; civil war; being enslaved by the Taliban; and now civil war again as the Taliban threatens to take over again. And about the only lucrative industry in that whole country is growing opium poppies.

But wait! You peasants can't grow opium. You stop that right now! Don’t you realize? Millions of incredibly wealthy people (compared to you) ten thousand miles away are getting themselves addicted to an opium byproduct. Sorry, all you dirt-poor farmers. Sure you'd like to eat and put a roof over your head. Tough shit!

You understand, of course. Americans are choosing to get themselves hooked on the heroin which is derived from your opium poppies. This in turn gives another excuse for our moralists and Biblehumpers (America’s equivalent to your Taliban) to go on the warpath and start spewing fire and brimstone. Their predecessors used to round up thousands of heretics (infidels to you) and do unspeakable things to them. They had tortures that your Taliban haven’t even dreamed of.

Nowadays, thanks to our secular democratic form of government, our Taliban/ Biblehumpers are pretty much reduced to just going on TV and making douchebags out of themselves.

But, our government spends hundreds of billions of dollars every year, just to create laws against drug use and other victimless “crimes.” Then we spend hundreds of billions more dollars to lock up millions of people who violate these laws.

And as you dirt-poor Third World peasants know all too well, the world revolves around what the American government wants. What it wants, it gets. (Just ask Salvador Allende.) And it wants YOU to stay poor and miserable, so that the American Taliban can stay smug and happy.