“Dreams From My Real Father” versus the Birthers

It’s the Clash of the Loony Titans.  What happens when the Bedbug-Crazies square off against the Tinfoil Hat brigade?  Who wins?

Dreams From My Real Father is a rightwing wackjob “documentary” that tells the “real” history of Barack Obama.

Step aside, Birthwads — there’s a new Screaming Meme in town.  “Dreams From My Real Father” is narrated by an Obama impersonator who says the documentary is “the story I would have told if I were being honest with you.”

This is too convoluted to try translating, so I’m just gonna quote directly from the linked article:  “Obama” tells us that his grandfather was “an undercover CIA agent who convinced Barack Obama Sr. to marry his teenage daughter to hide the fact that she was impregnated by a 55-year-old communist named Frank Marshall Davis.”

This “documentary” was produced by Joel Gilbert, who’s a regular speaker at the annual CPAC neckdrooling contest.  His impeccable credentials also include being a regular contributor to FamilySecurityMatters.org, a website run by Frank Gaffney.

This movie has everything an inbred Obama-hating conspiracy theorist could love, except — EXCEPT — brace yourself now:  this documentary is telling us that Barack Obama was NOT born in Kenya.  Therefore he’s an American Citizen!!!!!

That dull thud you just heard was the sound of millions of birthwipes having the rug pulled out from under them.  This is their Ghost Dancing moment.

This movie, as enjoyable as it is for the teabirthing crowd, ultimately brings on the ultimate torture:  Confusion.  Cognitive Dissonance.  Not being absolutely 100% Certain about something.   Damn it, rightwingers need to be told, clearly, EXACTLY how it is.  PERIOD.  Otherwise, how can they spew out their talking points if they’re not sure which talking point to spew?

Let them twist slowly in the wind.

Frank Gaffney: the Fred Phelps of Muslims

Frank Gaffney is to Muslims what Fred Phelps is to homosexuals. Or maybe he’s more like Joe McCarthy or the John Birch Society. Everybody is a Communist infiltrator. There’s a Communist under every bed.

In Frank Gaffney’s universe, everybody is a secret Muslim terrorist plotting to destroy America from within. A few months ago, he revealed to a shocked nation that Grover Norquist isn’t really a rightwing anti-tax crusader — he’s a Muslim infiltrator.

And now the latest secret member of the Muslim Brotherhood: General David Petraeus. I knew it!

Three weeks ago, Petraeus condemned the burning of a Quran by an inbred Florida redneck. That well-publicized Quran-burning led to riots that killed more than twenty people. But in Frank Gaffney’s world (and don’t even ask what color the sky is in there), General Petraeus showed “submission to Sharia” when he condemned the Quran-burning.

Frank Gaffney’s list of secret Muslim agents also includes:

(to be continued)

Orange Alert! Grover Norquist is a Muslim Terrorist!

Nah, probably not. But this latest outburst of Extreme Rightwing paranoia is just too twisted for words.

This article sounds more like “Who’s On First” or that Spy vs. Spy comic from Mad Magazine.

Rightwing activist Frank “Guided By Voices” Gaffney claims that some members of the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) are Muslim secret agents. Gaffney told WorldNet Daily (who else?) that the CPAC:

“…is involved in a stealthy effort to bring Shariah to the United States. This is a ticking time bomb for the conservative community. An influence operation is contributing materially to the defeat of our country.”

Gaffney is directing his witch hunt at two high-ranking members of CPAC. One of them is Suhail Khan. Well, [splutter] [sheesh] with a name like that, of COURSE he’s a Muslim terrorist. How the hell did that falafel-guzzling towel-head ever get into this country in the first place?!?!?

And the other suspect is Grover Norquist. Hmmm…the name doesn’t sound like he’s from one of them Ay-rab countries. But wait — Grover Norquist is the one who’s always talking about shrinking the government down to the size of a bathtub and then drowning it. He’s been claiming he wants a smaller government so that productive Americans can keep their hard-earned money instead of giving it away to a bunch of lazy parasites. But apparently, all along [gasp] Everything is suddenly so clear now. That whole “limited government” “self-reliance” thingy was just a ruse.

Their REAL motive is: a bathtub-size government won’t have the resources to spy on Americans and root out those Muslim subversives who would destroy America from within!

Suhail Khan and Grover Norquist: Yer Busted! Off to Gitmo with the both of you!

Rightwing extremists have been turning on each other for generations. No matter how far to the right you are, there’ll always be somebody else who’s further right than you and thinks you’re nothing but a no-good limp-wristed socialist. But Frank Gaffney’s latest tinfoil-hattery is one for the books.

It’s straight out of Bob Dylan’s “John Birch Society Blues.” I don’t remember the exact lyrics, but to paraphrase the last few sentences:

“Now that I’ve found out everyone else around me is a Communist, there’s nothing left to do but start investigating myself…Oh My God!”