Orange Alert! Grover Norquist is a Muslim Terrorist!

Nah, probably not. But this latest outburst of Extreme Rightwing paranoia is just too twisted for words.

This article sounds more like “Who’s On First” or that Spy vs. Spy comic from Mad Magazine.

Rightwing activist Frank “Guided By Voices” Gaffney claims that some members of the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) are Muslim secret agents. Gaffney told WorldNet Daily (who else?) that the CPAC:

“…is involved in a stealthy effort to bring Shariah to the United States. This is a ticking time bomb for the conservative community. An influence operation is contributing materially to the defeat of our country.”

Gaffney is directing his witch hunt at two high-ranking members of CPAC. One of them is Suhail Khan. Well, [splutter] [sheesh] with a name like that, of COURSE he’s a Muslim terrorist. How the hell did that falafel-guzzling towel-head ever get into this country in the first place?!?!?

And the other suspect is Grover Norquist. Hmmm…the name doesn’t sound like he’s from one of them Ay-rab countries. But wait — Grover Norquist is the one who’s always talking about shrinking the government down to the size of a bathtub and then drowning it. He’s been claiming he wants a smaller government so that productive Americans can keep their hard-earned money instead of giving it away to a bunch of lazy parasites. But apparently, all along [gasp] Everything is suddenly so clear now. That whole “limited government” “self-reliance” thingy was just a ruse.

Their REAL motive is: a bathtub-size government won’t have the resources to spy on Americans and root out those Muslim subversives who would destroy America from within!

Suhail Khan and Grover Norquist: Yer Busted! Off to Gitmo with the both of you!

Rightwing extremists have been turning on each other for generations. No matter how far to the right you are, there’ll always be somebody else who’s further right than you and thinks you’re nothing but a no-good limp-wristed socialist. But Frank Gaffney’s latest tinfoil-hattery is one for the books.

It’s straight out of Bob Dylan’s “John Birch Society Blues.” I don’t remember the exact lyrics, but to paraphrase the last few sentences:

“Now that I’ve found out everyone else around me is a Communist, there’s nothing left to do but start investigating myself…Oh My God!”