Supreme Court: It’s Not Just for Bribery Any More

Halliburton is asking for a little help from America’s Bribery Clearinghouse (formerly known as the U.S. Supreme Court). Shouldn’t be a problem.

After all, this is the same “court” that selected a president in 2000. Shortly afterward, one of the court’s “justices” went on a hunting trip with the vice president he had just selected, even though this vice president had a case pending before the court. They insisted there was no conflict of interest here. A bit later, the “court” ruled in favor of its selected vice president; and this ruling had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that the vice president and this court “justice” had just been out in the woods together, hunting and bonding and doing guy stuff.

And just last week the Supreme Court ruled that bribery is a constitutional right. Purchasing a few congressmen, rigging elections — aw come on, it doesn’t get any more American than that.

And now they’ll probably do this little favor for Halliburton. Incidentally, this vice president — who was selected by the Supreme Court in 2000 — was once the CEO of Halliburton. Small world.

Anyway, Halliburton needs a little favor from Bribes R Us the Supreme Court. If you read liberal blogs or “alternative” news sites, you probably know about this case. The mainstream “media” wouldn’t touch it with a ten foot pole.

Jamie Leigh Jones, a Halliburton employee in Iraq, was gang raped by some of her coworkers. This link goes into more detail.

After she was gang raped, her supervisors locked her in a shipping container for 24 hours. No food, no water and needless to say, no medical help of any kind. Jamie Leigh Jones filed a lawsuit against Halliburton (who wouldn’t?).

And now Halliburton wants the Supreme Court ("We Can Fix Anything!") to take care of this little, uh, problem. Halliburton’s current CEO and Justice Antonin Scalia will probably go on a duck hunting trip soon. And this of course will have no connection with anything when the Supreme Court dismisses that pesky lawsuit against Halliburton.

Coming soon to your mailbox: A plain white envelope marked “Do Not Destroy, Official Document. 2010 Congressional District Census.” When you receive this, please open it immediately. It’s urgent! The Republican Party needs money from YOU. That commie Kenya-born Muslim Terrorist is just about to take over America, and Wall Street needs YOUR help! NOW.

Michael Steele, the GOP’s Token Negro, said: “Strengthening our Party for the 2010 elections is going to take a massive grass-roots effort all across America. That is why I have authorized a Census to be conducted of every Congressional District in the country.”

Ownership Society: The Enron Model for America

This “Ownership Society” is just great, isn't it; at least if you're part of that one percent who owns everything. When it comes to privatization, more is better. And we’re just about to see a whole lot more.

How’s this for a match made in Heaven: The nation’s infrastructure is crumbling, as we all know. Sinking. And rich investors are always looking for foolproof new investments that will increase their scrotal grip on the rest of the country. Presto!

Let’s privatize our roads and transportation systems. If you liked Enron, you'll love driving on the Bechtel Turnpike and riding Halliburton Transit.

A few years ago, Bolivia discovered how much fun it is to have their water supply owned by a global corporation. Soon we’ll be enjoying the same privilege here in America.

As you're driving over the Exxon Bridge on your way to Du Pont International Airport, you can think of those halcyon days of the Gilded Age. And suddenly you'll realize: those glorious days are here again.