Super Bowl XLIV

No, sorry, this post isn’t about the 2010 Super Bowl.

Gotcha!

It’s just a hodgepodge of wacky news stories and personalities from the past few days.

Take this Buttwipe (please!): The nerve of this flaming douchebag — placing a legislative hold on all SEVENTY of Obama’s pending nominations. Richard Shelby (R-Inbred) is clearly the winner of this week’s ________________________ Award. (Sorry, I’m all out of expletives at the moment. Insert your own.)

But that’s not all. Shelby’s reason for his would-be coup d’état — he wants MORE earmarks, more pork, for his district. He wants MORE government spending?!?!

What do these people have to say about it? Isn’t this what they’ve been protesting against for the past year? Too much government, too much spending and — in particular — Earmarks. Pork. Well, where are they now? Did they all suddenly curl up and die? (Ah, Christmas in February.)

Another convicted felon for bigotry: A certain convicted perjurer is horrified — terrified! — at the idea of repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. Oh My God, if homosexuals are allowed to desecrate our armed forces with that — that icky thing they do — what’ll happen next? Military chaplains will be forced, at gunpoint, to perform gay marriage ceremonies. And after that, members of NAMBLA will start enlisting, and they’ll seduce and corrupt our vulnerable young soldiers. OK, we’ve been warned. Thank you Oliver North.

Yes, there’s been still another remake of The Blob — and this is the scariest one yet! Previously, sixty terrified petrified Democratic senators were cowering and quivering in the corner, trying desperately to shrink away from the approaching monster — Forty Republican senators! And now, just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse — there are FORTY-ONE of them!!!! And that quaking little puddle of sixty Democrats has shrunk down to only fifty-nine. And the Blob is moving closer! And now —

(to be continued)