2011 State of the Union Speech

Well, it was a pretty bland evening. And that’s a good thing, what with the Tucson Massacre and all, which came on the heels of ten years of mutual hatred bordering on open warfare in this country.

Obama did a good job of speaking in generalities that most of us can agree on. He referred to our global competitive disadvantage as a “Sputnik moment” (which somebody else already used a month or two ago). My personal favorite phrase of Obama’s, referring to two years of shouting over “Obamacare,” was “Let’s fix what needs fixing, and move forward.”

In the few moments between Obama’s SOTU speech and Paul Ryan’s rebuttal, I remembered why I hardly ever listen to news “analysis” on TV. I forget who the blubbering heads were, but their consensus was that Obama “forgot” to mention gun control. This was his brief window — a golden opportunity — to captivate the nation with an impassioned plea for gun control. And that was when I turned off the TV, thinking “oooookey, well I guess I forgot too.”

And then came Paul Ryan. He seemed almost likeable, in that class nerd/Howdy Doody sort of way. (He and Bobby Jindal must have had the same public speaking instructor.) I was prepared to hate him, based on his most famous quote: “We need a better senate, and we need Obama out of the White House.” But, as the Biblethumping community always says (as if they actually meant it), “hate the sin, love the sinner.”

He was nowhere near as combative or obnoxious as I expected, but of course he had to trot out the Far Right’s done-to-death “failed stimulus” soundbite. Maybe some of the thousands of people whose jobs were SAVED by that “failed stimulus” would have a different description, and/or a few colorful expletives for Paul Ryan.

And since the Teabag Nation is so far to the right they make most Republicans (i.e. RINOs) look like Communists, tonight’s format was changed from good cop / bad cop to good cop, bad cop and badass rogue motherfucker you don’t EVEN want to fuck with.

Enter Michele Bachmann. Paul Ryan’s wimpy milquetoast response was the exact kind of spineless “apologizing for America” wussery that our Founding Fathers warned us about.

If you do a search, you’ll probably find a video of Michele Bachman’s “He-Man Rebuttal to the Pussy Rebuttal” speech. But be warned: Do NOT look into those eyes, or — or…you…will…become…one…of…THEM…Yes Master, I am ready. We must get on with Our Mission…