The Shocking Horrifying Truth About Obama’s Kenyan Citizenship

We already knew that Barack Hussein Obama was born in Kenya, into a primitive tribe of Communist Muslims. But it gets even worse. There’s more; so much more.

Tom Tancredo, in his never-ending quest for the truth, has discovered something even more devastating: Obama has been purposely withholding his birth certificate, just so he can stir up the Right and get them spewing and foaming and drooling even more than they already were.

What an evil genius!

Here’s part of the exchange between Tancredo and Alan Colmes:

Colmes: “You’ve seen he was born in Hawaii; he was in two Hawaiian newspapers within two days of his birth.”

Tancredo: “Anybody can put an article in a newspaper. Just show me your birth certificate!…..Now they very well not want to show it because they want to propagate this whole thing that’s going on about birthers. … They may be doing it for that reason; I don’t know why they don’t want anyone to see it. … They want it propagated because you know — "

Colmes: “It makes your party look nuts!”

Well there you have it. Obama engineered this entire charade from the getgo, just so the Right would look like a bunch of bug-eyed blithering tinfoil-hat-wearing nutcases.

Mission Accomplished.

And there’s more shocking news, this time from Alabama. Tim James, running for governor of Alabama, said in an ad: “This is Alabama; we speak English. If you want to live here, learn it.”

WTF??? I’ve gotta think about this. Now, if English is what they’re speaking in Alabama, then what the fuck are the rest of us speaking?

If y’all don’t towk just lahk us, then you jus’ git. We don’t fancy your kand around these ports. Y’all don’t come back now, you heah!?!?

The Monday Hodgepodge

Arizona’s new immigration law is so bad — how bad is it? — it’s sooo bad, even Tom “Kill All The Mud Races” Tancredo is leery of it.

The former Colorado senator, who never met a swarthy furriner he didn’t hate, is worried about the police being able to stop anybody for any reason. He said:

“I do not want people here, there in Arizona, pulled over because you look like you should be pulled over.”

And speaking of people getting pulled over because of how they look, here’s a little irony: One of the Far Right’s biggest heroes has a foreign name and a dark complexion.

This article shows his picture. And yes of course he’s railing against immigrants and poor people. Does he ever do anything else?

And WTF kind of name is Andre Bauer??? Well, which is he, a frog or a kraut? Why couldn’t the people of South Carolina elect an American to the position of Lt. Governor? Anyway, look at his picture and try to guess how far past the Arizona state line he’d get before It Happened: “Get out of the car, Wetback! What country were you born in? Show us your papersss!!!”

Did you ever have the pleasure of watching a brutal bloody fight between two people you hate? Check this out — Somali Islamic terrorists versus Somali pirates. Come on, stomp that motherfucker! Fuck him where he breathes!

Dick Armey: Teabagged By His Own Teabaggers

Just as surely as the Black Widow kills her mate, herds of stampeding Teabaggers will kill other members of the herd (figuratively) — even the leader of the herd — over the tiniest disagreements.

Dr. Frankenstein is just about to be killed by the monster he created. Dick Armey, founder of FreedomWorks and probably the best known icon of the teabagging craze, might be pushed out by his own minions. Yes, his own bots are turning on him. He’s too liberal.

Tom “Kill All The Mud Races” Tancredo hates him because he actually wants to let some of those icky brown people into the country. Yuck!!!

Other members of the species Knuckledraggus Teabirthus are turning on Armey because he didn’t fight hard enough against ObamaCare. Damn right! How many windows did Dick Armey break? How many propane lines did he cut? How many death threats did he make against liberals? The answer to all three of those questions: None. Pussy!

They’re also turning on him because — and this is just too twisted for words; I can think of only one comparison here. Sorry, brief digression:

A high school history teacher once told us that Josef Stalin murdered one of his top executioners because he was horrified at some of the atrocities committed by this executioner — even though he had committed those atrocities because Stalin ordered him to! Now, whatever you’d call Stalin’s mental state at that exact moment — absent-mindedness, schizophrenia — just try to imagine that state of mind, and now hold that thought:

OK, some of Dick Armey’s minions are turning on him because of all the corporate money he’s brought in to finance their cause. HEELLLLOOOOO!!!!!!!

This corrupt corporate money that Dick Armey has raised is The Reason there IS a teabagging movement. DUUUHHH!!!

These simplefucks actually believe that one day last April, millions of everyday citizens got out of bed that morning and simultaneously thought to themselves: “I’ve had it up to here with that Kenyan president and his fellow communists. I’m gonna make a hand-lettered sign and carry it to the town square and wave it around at passers-by. I know — Taxed Enough Already. God, am I clever or what? And, oh my God, those three words form an acronym. I’ll call it a Tea Party. Wow, I think I’m on to something here.”

Spelling Out the Obvious

This special issue of “DUUUHHH!!!” has TWO cover stories. First: Traffic is getting worse. Hold the phone! Who knew??? They had to do a study to find this out? Christ, all they had to do was get behind the wheel and try to go somewhere.

And the other earthshaking revelation is: Republicans might be losing support among Hispanic voters. [Gasp!] Say it isn't so! Nobody was more shocked by this possibility than Tom “Kill-All-The-Mud-Races” Tancredo (R-Wingnut).

Yes, illegal immigration is a serious issue with no simple solutions. Bring on the demagogues. The outcry against illegal immigrants is sort of like the fury against school busing in the 1960s and ‘70s (speeding up integration by busing students away from their own neighborhoods and into other school districts). A lot of the resentment was legitimate and not based on racism. But the George Wallaces of the day sure got lots of political mileage out of it. They could whip millions of rednecks into a frenzy just by going on and on about “that #!$#%$#$!! busing.”

Unlike today’s Republicans, George Wallace didn’t act puzzled when Blacks didn’t vote for him.

The most rightwing elements of the Republican Party are trying to get the same political mileage out of illegal immigration. They don’t need to spew out stereotypes and racial slurs. All they have to do is keep hammering away at “them” and “illegals” and “guarding our border,” and millions of voters go into a white-hot fury. Like with school busing, a lot of this fury is legitimate and not based on racism.

But the Republicans are purposely using this issue to fan the flames and court every single-digit-IQ sister-humping mouthbreathing xenophobe in the country. And then they wonder why they're losing Hispanic voters.