He's Been Re-elected: Forget What He Said

As many people feared, Bush has read way too much into his “mandate” last November. Karl Rove ran a much smarter and shrewder campaign than Kerry’s campaign staff, and the election result means the public wholeheartedly supports all of Bush’s policies?!?

Bush told the Washing Post “we had an accountability moment, and that’s called the 2004 elections. The American people listened to different assessments made about what was taking place in Iraq, and they looked at the two candidates, and chose me.”

Since being re-elected, Bush has felt no need to endorse Colin Powell’s recent statement that the number of U.S. troops in Iraq could be reduced by the end of 2005, or to push Congress to increase the ranks of the National Guard and the Army (as many military experts say is necessary). He also hasn’t been giving any more gung ho optimistic speeches about how great the war in Iraq is going.

He has also jilted the Religious Right by saying he will not be pushing for a constitutional ban on gay marriage. Sorry, Suckers! You brung him to the dance, and he found a prettier girl to go home with. Bush scored with the Religious Right, and now he just wants to roll over and go to sleep. The Religious Right wants to cuddle and talk for hours about their long and happy future together, and Bush is saying “hey, stay on that side of the bed, will ya, I’m trying to sleep.”

Now that all of the administration’s reasons for invading Iraq have been proven false – and he got re-elected anyway – there’s no more need for rosy predictions and simplistic platitudes. “Flowers and ice cream” and "Mission Accomplished" have been replaced with “On a complicated matter such as removing a dictator from power and trying to help achieve democracy, sometimes the unexpected will happen, both good and bad."

Now, this next Bush answer is for real. This is not taken from Saturday Night Live or the Daily Show. Seriously! When confronted with his administration’s failure to find Osama bin Laden, and asked why, Bush replied “because he’s hiding.”