Who Hijacked Our Country

Monday, August 15, 2005

Pro-War Demonstrators: Call Your Recruiter

It gets more unbelievable and infuriating all the time — all these gung ho bloggers and columnists who keep cheering for Bush and the Iraqi war. Sure they have a right to express their views, but the contradiction — the irony — is just so glaring, so blatant, it’s shrieking at them at 500 decibels.

And now, we have pro-war demonstrators gathering in Crawford, TX to counter-demonstrate against Cindy Sheehan, whose son was killed in Iraq. Ooookay. A pro-war demonstration??!!? What able-bodied, non-military person could possibly attend a pro-war demonstration without being hit over the head by the sheer irony, the madness?

Let’s see, on the one hand we have constant news reports of army recruiters not meeting their quotas, and often using sleazy and desperate methods of persuading people to enlist. And on the other hand we have self-proclaimed “patriots” — who aren’t even in the military — writing and shouting and demonstrating in favor of the Iraqi war at the exact same time that the military doesn’t have enough manpower to accomplish their mission.

Hmmm…two and two not being put together…dots remaining unconnected…dingdingdingdingdingding ENLIST Goddamnit!!

Jesus F#$%&! Christ on a crutch, how can people be so simple-minded and oblivious?!? “Uhhh, Duuhhhh, I’m sitting here at my computer terminal, blathering on and on about our Great War in Iraq” or “I feel so strongly about President Bush and his brave decision to invade Iraq, I’m gonna go all the way to Crawford just to demonstrate against that woman whose son was killed over there.”

“What? No, I’m not in the military. No, I never have been. What, a contradiction? Irony? Whaddya mean?” Duuuhhh!!!!

Now, for all pro-war demonstrators who are at least capable of feeling shame or embarrassment, and might be able to see themselves objectively, here is how you can help your country and your self-esteem. This website enables you to contact the nearest army recruiting office, and leads you step by step through the process of enlistment.

Isn’t this great?!? No longer do you have to hear yourself pontificate over and over about loving America and supporting our troops, and then have that sinking feeling every time you look in the mirror and see that flabby pathetic chicken hawk staring back at you. Aren’t you tired of this?

OK, maybe you’ve already served in the military and/or you’re too old to enlist. But wait — the more desperate the army gets, the higher the enlistment age goes. Before too long army recruiters will be scouring retirement communities and bingo parlors, looking for potential enlistees. If you can walk and breathe, you’ll be able to enlist. It’ll be as easy as getting a driver’s license in Miami Beach.

AND, if you’re too old to enlist and/or have already served, you probably have friends and relatives and coworkers and acquaintances who join you in cheerleading President Bush and His War, and condemning those America-hating Leftists who disagree with you. If that’s the case, please refer these people to the above website. You can help them gain some self-esteem and a positive self-image, and you’ll be helping Your President at the same time.

Your country needs you Now. It’s time to put down that megaphone and put on a uniform. Or else shut the fuck up.


Blogger zencomix said...

Act Now!! Call before midnite tonite!! Call in the next 10 minutes and receive 2 weeks of Boot Camp absolutely FREE! Operators are standing by...

August 15, 2005 at 6:57 PM  
Anonymous Tom Harper said...

OK!! Oh, uh, I mean, this doesn't mean I have to actually go over there does it? Uh, actually, I have to, uh, I mean, let me get back to you...

August 15, 2005 at 9:22 PM  
Blogger Jake Porter said...

I also think it is time for rush limbaugh to spend some time in Gitmo since it is such a wonderful place.

I have had to listen to recruiters talk to me about joining their war and I have always said if America is invaded I will grab a gun and fight. As a friend of mine once said "I don't complain about our military because they are over here protecting us."

August 16, 2005 at 3:12 AM  
Blogger I.M. Dedd said...

Right on the goddamned money.

Oops, sorry for swearing.

August 16, 2005 at 4:13 AM  
Anonymous Tom Harper said...

Jake: Yup, that would be poetic, sending Rush to that place he thinks is so kind and gentle.

I'm sure if America were invaded, or even in danger, everyone would grab a gun. We wouldn't need recruiters or a cheerleading speech from the president.

I.M. Dedd: Or as those guys on MTV would say "huh huh huh huh, he said God Damn"

August 16, 2005 at 8:16 AM  
Blogger Brother Kenya said...

I'm with you, Tom. I just linked to this post, by the way.

In addition to the GoArmy site, I often go ahead and use Google maps to help the wayward patriot find his local recruiting office.

Never once has one of these guys thanked me for the info!

August 16, 2005 at 8:39 AM  
Blogger Ken Grandlund said...

Hit the nail on the head with this one Tom. In fact, it's the best argument for anyone who claims to support Bush's reasoning and explanations for the war in Iraq.

August 16, 2005 at 10:34 AM  
Blogger halcyon67 said...

Kick ass post, Tom. I might have to post this over at my blog. Do you mind? Military recruiters came to my school all of the time, and they bothered my friends, not me.

Jake, if this country was invaded, I would do the same.

I agree Ken.

August 16, 2005 at 10:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So you're essentially saying that we can't share our views without joining the military.... Amazing.

August 16, 2005 at 11:22 AM  
Blogger Trevor said...

I don't like war, don't want to be in a war, but I did EXACTLY as you suggest because with the information I have available to me, I am convinced that taking the fight into the Middle East is the correct answer.

August 16, 2005 at 12:51 PM  
Anonymous Tom Harper said...

Brother Kenya: Thanks. I remember you posted on this a few weeks ago. I think that’s where I got the army recruiting website.

Ken: Thanks.

Samantha: Thanks. I’d be honored if you linked to this, or posted it at your site.

Anonymous: No, nobody’s saying that. This is a free country; anyone can say what they want. I was just pointing out the irony, the contradiction, of being in favor of the war but not wanting to take part in it.

Trevor: I hope we can agree to disagree about the Iraqi war. I certainly admire what you’re doing, the fact that you’re in the military. I’ve been following your blog for awhile now. Until you mentioned shipping out for Iraq, several weeks ago, I wasn’t even aware that you were in the military. Maybe you mentioned it before that and I just missed it.

I was in the Navy during Viet Nam. I wasn’t in favor of the Viet Nam war, but I wanted to travel, and there was a draft back then. One sure way not to get drafted into the Army was to enlist in the Navy.

August 16, 2005 at 2:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is always the case, the Biggest Hawks never served and therefore have no problem sending your kids in.

This is not about defense of the Country, (I don't even know if we have enouugh solders to do it - but we have the NRA) this is about a lie, a foreign war and those who support it can fight it

BTW did they ever find the WMD?


August 16, 2005 at 6:11 PM  
Blogger Gun-Toting Liberal said...

Tom, as you know, I'm one of those rare lefties FOR the war, and completely dismayed at the lack of reliable intelligence that led us there. We now must properly fund it and WIN it decisively, then bring as many of the troops home in one piece as possible. That said, I can completely see your point of view, too. Waving the flag has ALWAYS been easier to do than defending it. Blog ON, brother...

August 16, 2005 at 6:59 PM  
Anonymous Tom Harper said...

Erik: Yup, that seems to be the case. In a case like WWII, where we were genuinely threatened, I think there’s been more of a cross-section of everybody joining in the fighting. I don’t know if the Korean war was like that or not; I have 2 older brothers who were both in the army during the Korean war.

But these “elective” wars like Iraq — the fact that there are so few affluent white-collar people enlisting just about screams out that this war isn’t necessary.

Gun-Toting Liberal: I never was in favor of this war; the threat to us from Hussein just never seemed real to me. I was in favor of the first Iraqi war in 1991 (why didn’t we finish the job then?) and the war in Afghanistan to topple the Taliban. I think everybody was — Bush had incredible support then from most Americans and most of the world. He’s totally squandered that with this Iraqi invasion. But I agree with you — it’s a lot easier to wave the flag than to actually enlist and go over there.

August 16, 2005 at 8:19 PM  
Blogger Snave said...

Are the pro-war "protestors" (who are actually protesting against those people expressing themselves freely against the war, making them "anti-anti-war protestors, which I guess you probably COULD call "pro-war protestors" due to the double negative ["anti-anti"]... aren't semantics fun?) ... are they really serious? I do think what they are really protesting about is that people disagree with Bush about something, and if Bush says the war is good, then by God, it's good, right? Sheesh... Extending this vague train of thought, are these "protestors" actually demonstrating in favor of the war, or are they demonstrating against free expression by others?

August 16, 2005 at 9:01 PM  
Blogger Glyn (Zaphod) Evans said...

I want to go and set up the "Anti-Pro-War" protest camp now... or APW if you will. We could go and demonstrate against people demonstrating against people...

In all seriousness, I agree completely with you.

August 16, 2005 at 9:43 PM  
Anonymous Tom Harper said...

Snave: Who knows what to call ‘em — anti-anti, pro-Bush…I think they just need to smear anti-war protesters by accusing them of being anti-American, hating the troops, etc. Name-calling is so much easier than debating an issue on its own merits.

Glyn (Zaphod) Evans: Or we could demonstrate against people who demonstrate against people who demonstrate against people who…or something like that. And that guy who ran his pickup truck over all the crosses and monuments, God knows what category he’d be in.

August 16, 2005 at 10:52 PM  
Blogger frstlymil said...

Yesiree - I've been suggesting that to some folks who rave about GW and the war and froth at the mouth about the "Liberals" - I have yet to be met with anything but silence when I suggest that they put their money where their mouth is and enlist, or encourage their children to enlist, lest they might be seen a hypocrite and I'm sure they don't wish to give that impression. Funny that. I say this is a fine opportunity for those recruiters to fulfill their quotas - by hightailing it to Crawford and approaching the Protestors FOR the War with clipboard in hand and start signing people up.

August 17, 2005 at 6:32 AM  
Anonymous Tom Harper said...

Frstlymil: You’re probably lucky that silence is all you’ve gotten when you call these people on their hypocrisy. I left a comment several months ago at one loudmouth rightwing post titled “damn right I’m questioning your patriotism.” I asked this guy which branch of the military he served in; I got some pretty colorful responses from him and one of his fellow chickenhawks.

If I was an army recruiter, I’d see a goldmine in them thar pro-war demonstrators. Even if I didn’t get anyone to sign up, it would be worth the trip just to see them all start squirming and sputtering (or name-calling).

August 17, 2005 at 8:58 AM  
Blogger Fred said...

When I heard this phrase I almost fell out my seat. Pro War - they can use that phrase all they want.

August 17, 2005 at 11:07 AM  
Blogger Donald said...

Maybe the guy who ran over all the crosses is "fundamentalist" to the point that he thinks they were graven images.

To expound on Snave's thought, that might make the guy a "pro-God-anti-graven-image-anti-anti-war-protestor", or a PGAGIAAWP.

Or maybe a dumb Fundamentally Unthinking Cross Killer. The acronym for that one is more obvious.

August 17, 2005 at 1:31 PM  
Anonymous Tom Harper said...

Fred: Yeah, I guess if “pro-war” turns them on…

Donald: That’s a good one — Dumb, Fundamentally Unthinking Cross Killer. It sure describes that guy.

August 17, 2005 at 2:27 PM  
Blogger The Powers That Be said...

Following your logic, all people opposed to the war should be fighting along with the "insurgents". It's ridiculous to make the argument that one's opinion on the war is only valid if they have served in it, which is the argument you are making. But, of course you only make the argument at those you disagree with. Jackass.

August 17, 2005 at 4:38 PM  
Anonymous JollyRoger said...

"the powers that be" is a complete and total moron.

Somehow being AGAINST a war and AGAINST the needless killing of our soldiers equates to joining a guerilla force dedicated to just that. And then, having laid out a stupid, simpleton crock o' crap in the way of an argument, he of course follows it up with that tried and true wingerbot idiot catch-all, the personal slur. The nice thing is, of course, that the previous words makes the ending almost expectable, since anything this stupid cannot possibly end intelligently.

All these fine minds, sitting on their yellow asses, when they could be over in Iraq figuring out how to win this thing. Because although sentimentally I am in favor of GTL's position, realistically I know that it has been screwed up so badly (and staffed so poorly) that there is no chance of winning it save a massive increase in boots on the ground AND a change in strategy. The numbnut war-loving wingerbots could fill need #1, maybe even #2, instead of sitting on their chickenhawk yellow asses and calling anybody not in favor of Bush as the new Messiah names.

August 17, 2005 at 7:01 PM  
Blogger Rambler Joe Snitty said...

Don't forget the dedicated volunteers at Operation Yellow Elephant, helping young neocons find the courage of their convictions.

August 17, 2005 at 8:32 PM  
Anonymous Tom Harper said...

Cowers That Be: I’ve heard some stupid apples-and-oranges comparisons before, but yours is the stupidest yet. And for future reference, this blog is for intelligent discussion, not name-calling. Dickhead.

Jolly Roger: Very well said. Thanks for telling off the wingnut. Whenever I step away from the computer for a few hours, that’s when the rightwing nutzoids leave their droppings.

August 17, 2005 at 8:36 PM  
Anonymous Tom Harper said...

Rambler Joe Snitty: Yeah, I like Operation Yellow Elephant. I doubt if it’s gotten many neocons to enlist, but hopefully it’s made some of them squirm, and maybe even examine the disconnect between what they’re saying and what they’re doing.

August 17, 2005 at 8:39 PM  
Blogger Snave said...

I posted this comment on another blog, and I'll put it here too.

I'm glad we have dedicated folks in our military. Without that level of dedication, I'm sure our military wouldn't work.

I also hope that those who serve our country do their duty for all of us Americans, and not just for those with whom they agree. I have not served in the military, but I believe military service is dedicated to the protection of American citizens and for the protection of what we hold dear, such as the freedom to express ourselves... whether we are testosterone-and-religion-addled conservatives or weenie liberals.

What I have done to serve my nation is to provide successful speech and language therapy for children and adults in my community who need the services. I believe in thinking globally and acting locally, and I know that what I do here in my town serves the greater good. One does not have to serve in the military to serve their country.

I love the USA, I support our troops, and I believe I contribute in a number of ways. I simply don't like the POTUS, or the way he and his friends have gone about making war on Iraq.

Contrary to what some might believe, people can serve their country by serving their community first, because stronger communities will make a stronger country. The military can make the country stronger, but I don't believe the military is the end-all when it comes to making our nation strong. People in the military may indeed make greater acrifices which are many times more than those of us who aren't serving, but to insinuate those who serve are more important than those of us who don't serve (or haven't served) is ludicrous. The tired "These are the sacrifices I've made for our country, so what have you done?" argument does nothing but suggest that those who haven't made such sacrifices aren't worthy of licking the boots of those who have.

I don't have to like Bush or vote Republican or even believe in a Christian God to love this country or support our troops. Dissent IS noble, and it IS patriotic when it is born out of a person's love and concern for his or her country... and my concerns for the USA not only include the possibility of terrorist attacks on our own soil (that is a universal American concern nowadays), but also include the problems of fundamentalist religion having undue influence in the Republican party, and our having a foreign policy influenced by empire-builders such as the folks in the PNAC. Look up the PNAC, their website is fairly educational!

So, Cindy Sheehan is dissenting. Good for her, that is a protected right of hers, for which many brave Americans have fought and died, and which I believe many brave soldiers now continue to protect. She shouldn't feel afraid to speak up.

So, she has changed her mind in some way or other... all that suggests to me is that she still HAS a mind!

BK says "This war, illegitimate in conception and execution, is one that, in my opinion, demands much more sacrifice from those who push it." I couldn't agree more. Sure, I didn't serve in the military... but the ones who push war the most vocally in our country didn't serve in the military either... how about that? How can people like Paul Wolfowitz, Paul Bremer, Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity "walk their talk"? They can't, plain and simple.

Before anyone accuses me of being a bleeding heart or some such thing just because I don't like Bush, I'll say that I like owning my guns and don't want them taken away from me. I don't want to shut down the timber industry. I don't agree with what some farmers and ranchers I know have to go through due to government land use laws. I think political correctness can go too far. I do have left-wing views when it comes to health care, taxation and education.

I'm basically a moderate-to-left-of-center guy who DOESN'T LIKE THE POTUS and his friends, and who LOVES THE USA. I think the GOP needs to take their party back from those folks who have hijacked it. I would rather see our fine military used for protecting the United States than for empire-building or crusading. Our troops will do their best to do whatever jobs they are given, because that IS their job. I just happen to disagree with the philosophy of the guys at the top who have orchestrated the current mess in which our country now finds itself. And what a fine mess it is.

August 17, 2005 at 11:00 PM  
Anonymous Tom Harper said...

Snave: That's excellent. I can't think of anything to add. Thanks for posting.

August 17, 2005 at 11:15 PM  
Blogger LibraryTavern Liz said...

Great post! I was going to mention Operation Yellow Elephant, but I see that somebody already did.

August 21, 2005 at 5:01 PM  
Anonymous Tom Harper said...

Thanks Liz.

August 21, 2005 at 7:01 PM  

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