Who Hijacked Our Country

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Militant Christians on the March. Again.

The Alliance Defense Fund wants to bring the Hellfire of an angry God into your life; into your bedroom. Get ready to be saved, Heathens.

How did this group get such a bland name like “Alliance Defense Fund”? Funny story — they wanted to call themselves the Spanish Inquisition or the Salem Witch Hunters, but it turned out those names were already taken.

The Alliance Defense Fund is a legal consortium which spends $20 million a year arguing for Righteousness and Holy Sanctimony in the courts. They’re determined to overturn decades’ worth of legal precedents set by godless liberals and activist judges.

This group has been battling for God whenever logic and science try to rear their ugly heads. Keeping Terri Schiavo on life support for another forty years; banning embryonic stem cell research; allowing violent anti-abortionists to harass women in front of family planning clinics — all of these righteous causes have been fought for by the Alliance Defense Fund. Behind the scenes, of course.

Turn on a light in a dark room, and that cockroach you see scurrying into a crack is the Alliance Defense Fund.

One of the founders of this group said “What we are really trying to protect are the things this country was founded on.” What country is he talking about, Saudi Arabia??

Another group member said they are protecting “the fundamental ability of Christians to speak their minds on the issues of the day.” Yup, trot out the old “Christians are being persecuted” bullshit again.

A spokesman for Americans United for the Separation of Church and State said “They’re not for some form of generic religious freedom. They’re for Christian superiority, that Christians take over the courts. They are living in this fantasy world where the majority religion, Christianity, is claimed to be literally under attack.”

The Alliance Defense Fund has provided schooling and training for hundreds of lawyers. Each of these lawyers has to donate 450 hours in return for their training. The plan is for these lawyers to acquire “a distinctly Christian worldview of law.”

Oh, great!


Blogger Jolly Roger said...

In Jesusistan, you will submit to the Jesusistan Version of the Savior-or you will suffer the deserved fate of an evil heathen.

Got it?

July 12, 2006 at 12:19 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Jolly Roger: Ah yes, heathens and pagans must be tortured mercilessly. For their own good of course.

July 12, 2006 at 1:34 AM  
Blogger James said...

Torture of pagans is very logical. If they cry out they are guilty and must be put to death. If they dont you must continue to torture them. If they then die silently they were innocent and get a Christian burial.

Well they get to go to heaven!

July 17, 2006 at 2:33 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

James: Yup, that's the way to do it. If they cry out they're guilty. That's how the Salem Witch Trials worked. If she floats, she's a witch. If she sinks and drowns -- oops. Dang it. Oh well, at least she'll go to Heaven.

July 17, 2006 at 11:10 AM  

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