Who Hijacked Our Country

Monday, July 23, 2007

Electrodes Gonzales Worried About “Image Problem”

This probably sounds like a skit from Saturday Night Live or The Daily Show, but it’s an actual news item. Abu Gonzales is concerned about his “image problem.” OOPS, hope you didn’t just spew your drink all over your keyboard.

Image problem?!?!?!?!?!? WTF? This is the drooling idiot who said the Geneva Convention is “quaint and outdated.” It’s also the same twisted sickfuck who said an interrogation technique is not torture as long as it doesn’t result in “organ failure.” Then there's the firing of those U.S. attorneys who weren’t quite gung ho enough about the Bush agenda, and his perjured testimony before Congress… (If his memory is one tenth as bad as he's pretending, he needs to be transported to an assisted living facility ASAP.)

And the solution to all these scandals is to fix his image problem??? Trying to fix Torquemada Gonzales’ “image problem” is like trying to clean the world's filthiest outhouse by spraying it with an air freshener.

Alberto Gonzales is probably the only person in the world who could make us long for the good old days when John Ashcroft was attorney general. Gonzales’ response to all the uproar over his scandals: “These allegations have been troubling to hear.”

Sen. Charles E. Schumer, D-N.Y., cut through all the bullshit by saying: “There are probably only two people on Earth who think the attorney general ought to stay: Alberto Gonzales and President Bush. As long as he’s in charge, the Justice Department, the rule of law and America will suffer.”

We need to remove this malignant polyp from the Justice Department.

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Blogger FunkyTown Fighter said...

Trying to fix Torquemada Gonzales’ “image problem” is like trying to clean the world's filthiest outhouse by spraying it with an air freshener.

Now THAT was funny! There isn't enough air freshner or toilet paper in the world to clean up his nasty ass!! What a fucking MORON!!! Thanks for the laugh!

July 23, 2007 at 1:41 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Funkytown Fighter: Thanks. You're right, there isn't enough toilet paper or air freshener in the world for that fucking moron.

July 23, 2007 at 1:51 PM  
Blogger Larry said...

Too bad he didn't worry about his worthless image before he started his trek of denying justice, taking away citizens rights, and forcing the public to listen to his whiny little voice.

July 23, 2007 at 5:44 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Larry: Yup, it's a little late for Gonzales to be worrying about his image. He built it from the ground up; now he has to live with it.

Your other comment, the George Carlin quote, didn't get published for some reason: "We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass." That's a great quote. Sometimes this comment moderation goes on the blink; I don't know why that didn't publish.

July 23, 2007 at 6:27 PM  
Blogger LET'S TALK said...

His image? This guy should be more concerned about his behind and as you said, his memory.

I can't believe this guy. He testify in front of the House and Senate with lies and thinks his image can be made better some kind of way.

July 23, 2007 at 6:42 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Let's Talk: Yup, Gonzales' image is the least of his worries. His image is the result of years of slippery behavior. If he can fix that (if it isn't too late) the "image" will take care of itself.

July 23, 2007 at 8:35 PM  
Blogger Mentarch said...

Tom: I would mention the Principles of Incompetence and such, but I will refrain from doing so.

Rather, your eloquent post says it all. ;-)

July 23, 2007 at 9:34 PM  
Blogger Snave said...

Gonzales worrying about his image is as futile as Bush worrying about his legacy. Neither man has a chance in hell of being remembered as anything but a monumental, wrong-headed screw-up. Both guys have done things that have caused them to be reviled the world over.

When the Bush administration is finally over, IF it actually does end, I for one will be dancing in the streets. Literally. If our country makes it to 1/20/09 and is still recognizeable as the United States of America, it will be a genuine cause for celebration. Sorry to come across as a negatorian, but after finding out about the two executive orders that theoretically allow Bush to crack down on his political opponents and for him to become a dictator in the case of a "catastrophic" or national emergency, I will admit I'm very nervous about our country's chances for survival. Why are more people not outraged? Are people not paying attention to what is happening?

July 23, 2007 at 10:40 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Mentarch: Thanks. Those Principles of Incompetence are definitely worth referring to; they explain a lot.

Snave: Yeah, Bush's legacy and Gonzales' image are both so negative, both those assholes will probably wish they could just be forgotten. I'd like to think our country will survive Bush's Reign of Error, but you're right that there are a lot of scary signs out there.

July 24, 2007 at 1:49 AM  
Anonymous BRIAN said...


July 24, 2007 at 6:04 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Brian: Alfred E. Gonzales -- LOL.

July 24, 2007 at 11:23 AM  
Blogger Mile High Pixie said...

Reign of Error! Baahahaa!

Seriously, "image problem"? I think he meant to say "justice problem." As in, the complete lack of. Or, as Stephen Colbert says, "just-ish."

Sadly, on a related note, my Senator, Ken Salazar, introduced a bill very recently to impeach Bush and was so shouted down that he withdrew the bill and had its very mention scrubbed from the Congressional Record so as not to cause "hard feelings". No wonder we have an "image problem". No one can seem to "grow a pair" and deal with the "injustices" leading to the "image problem." [rolling eyes and passing out from overuse of quotation marks]

July 24, 2007 at 6:10 PM  
Blogger Mike V. said...

I'd love to see this idiot removed.
Among other things.
I'm still waiting on congress to grow some fucking ballz, however..

July 24, 2007 at 6:55 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Mile High Pixie: Yes, it's definitely a justice problem rather than an "image problem." That really sucks that Salazar got dissed and ostracized for bringing up impeachment. Whether somebody is for or against it, a large percentage of Americans are in favor of impeachment and it's only logical that some representatives would bring it up.

Mike: "Congress" and "balls" in the same sentence -- that's an oxymoron.

July 24, 2007 at 7:03 PM  
Blogger Leo said...

Yeah, I've always thought loyalty was a wonderful quality to have, but Bush takes it to crazy extremes. It makes you wonder if Gonzales or Cheney murdered someone, if Bushie would even then be touting how wonderful they are?!!

July 24, 2007 at 7:43 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Leo: Yes, loyalty is a good trait, but the uber-loyalty that the Bush Administration demands is way over the top. This kind of blind loyalty is what police states are made of. Let's hope it doesn't happen here.

July 25, 2007 at 12:15 AM  

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