“Cut and Run” Gonzales: The Quitter

I usually try not to post on the same subject everyone else is posting about, but this is just too good. It resigned! The Bitch is dead! Electrodes Torquemada Abu Gonzales is no longer Attorney General of the United States. Yiiiipppeeeee!!! Yaaayy!!!

Yes it’s true that Gonzales is only a symptom of the simpleminded powercrazed would-be dictator who appointed him. And God only knows who George Johnny Walker Bush will choose to replace him.

In late 2004, America heaved a massive sigh of relief when John Ashcroft resigned. The worst attorney general in American history was stepping down. We were finally rid of the imbecile who thought the Salem Witch Trials didn’t go far enough. Whoever replaces him can't possibly be as bad, right???

Well, here we are again. We've finally gotten rid of the worst attorney general in our history; he makes Ashcroft look like a liberal. After nearly seven years, we've learned that whenever you think the Bourbon King couldn’t possibly sink any lower, he does. Much much lower.

Who will replace Torquemada? (Rumors are swirling.) Will it be somebody so Godawful that we’ll be yearning for those good old days when that nice compassionate Alberto Gonzales was in charge?

Fortunately we have a Democratic Senate now, whatever that’s worth. If only we could arrange to have fifty spine transplants before the next confirmation hearing. And on that note:

This is your chance to tell the Senate NOT to approve another Bush clone for the attorney general’s office. We need an attorney general who respects the Constitution and the Geneva Convention.

Our Democratic Congress hasn’t done much. The very least they can do is make sure that no future Torquemadas are allowed into the Justice Department.

Electrodes Gonzales Worried About “Image Problem”

This probably sounds like a skit from Saturday Night Live or The Daily Show, but it’s an actual news item. Abu Gonzales is concerned about his “image problem.” OOPS, hope you didn’t just spew your drink all over your keyboard.

Image problem?!?!?!?!?!? WTF? This is the drooling idiot who said the Geneva Convention is “quaint and outdated.” It’s also the same twisted sickfuck who said an interrogation technique is not torture as long as it doesn’t result in “organ failure.” Then there's the firing of those U.S. attorneys who weren’t quite gung ho enough about the Bush agenda, and his perjured testimony before Congress… (If his memory is one tenth as bad as he's pretending, he needs to be transported to an assisted living facility ASAP.)

And the solution to all these scandals is to fix his image problem??? Trying to fix Torquemada Gonzales’ “image problem” is like trying to clean the world's filthiest outhouse by spraying it with an air freshener.

Alberto Gonzales is probably the only person in the world who could make us long for the good old days when John Ashcroft was attorney general. Gonzales’ response to all the uproar over his scandals: “These allegations have been troubling to hear.”

Sen. Charles E. Schumer, D-N.Y., cut through all the bullshit by saying: “There are probably only two people on Earth who think the attorney general ought to stay: Alberto Gonzales and President Bush. As long as he’s in charge, the Justice Department, the rule of law and America will suffer.”

We need to remove this malignant polyp from the Justice Department.