I Have Converted. I Am Now a Catholic
I got me some religion. No more secular heathen posts from this newfound Christian. I Seen The Light! I Believe!
I may lose some liberal readers, but I’ll gain a whole shitload of Biblehumpers. So there.
Who converted me? No it wasn’t one of those plastic-haired televangelists. And it wasn’t that Jehovah’s Witness who knocked on the door at 7 a.m. last Saturday.
This here is my new mentor. My guru. I was stumbling in the dark, blinded by sin and ignorance, when Cardinal Jorge Medina showed me the light. I been Saved!
My former godless unenlightened self would’ve thought that Chilean Dictator Augusto Pinochet was a bad person. You know — jailing people without charges, torturing and killing them and stuff like that. Now I realize those are GOOD things.
Similarly, I used to think Madonna was good. She’s had a 25-year show business career. She’s brought joy to millions of people all over the world. But the good Cardinal showed me the error of my ways. “This woman comes here and in an incredibly shameless manner, she provokes a crazy enthusiasm, an enthusiasm of lust, lustful thoughts, impure thoughts,” he thundered.
And suddenly, I Got It! That was my Epiphany. And now I feel the overpowering Love of Jesus! And I realize — Madonna is BAD.
Burn, you Sinner!
Thank you Cardinal Medina for showing me The Way.
Lawd, pass me one of them there snakes. I can handle it.
cross-posted at Bring It On!