Who Hijacked Our Country

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

War in Afghanistan

A friend e-mailed this to me:

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Oakland Raiders. The only thing missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl victory.

Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a window from 80 yards away. Then he threw another grenade from 50 yards down a chimney, and then hit a passing car going 80 miles per hour.

“I've got to get this guy!” the coach said to himself. “He has the perfect arm!” So, he brought the young Afghan to the States, and taught him the great game of football. The next season, the Raiders made it through the playoffs and went on to win the Super Bowl.

The young Afghan was hailed as a hero of football. The Coach asked him what he wanted, and the young guy said that he just wanted to call his mother.

“Mom,” he said into the phone, “I just won the Super Bowl!”

“I don't want to talk to you,” the old Muslim woman says. “You have disappointed us. You are not my son!”

“Mother, I don't think you understand,” pleads the son. “I've just won the greatest sporting event in the world!”

“No! Let me tell you,” his mother retorted. “At this very moment there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get assaulted!”

The old lady paused, then said, “I will never forgive you for making us move to Oakland!”


Blogger People in the Sun said...

Ha! You got me.

December 3, 2008 at 8:53 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

PITS: Yeah, that ending took me by surprise too.

December 4, 2008 at 1:21 AM  
Anonymous kate said...


December 4, 2008 at 4:49 AM  
Blogger Enemy of the Republic said...

Now that is good.

December 4, 2008 at 8:10 AM  
Blogger MRMacrum said...

Excellent. Good One. My relatives in Walnut creek would definitely like this one.

December 4, 2008 at 8:53 AM  
Blogger Randal Graves said...

Heh heh heh. I'll give you twenty bucks if you print this out, travel to Oakland, sit in the Black Hole and read it out loud. I mean, twenty bucks to your estate. ;-)

December 4, 2008 at 10:52 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Kate, Enemy, MRM: Thanks.

Randal: I'm sorry, but I have my integrity and I will not be bought :)

December 4, 2008 at 11:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah I live in the East Bay and I avoid Oakland, but the sad part is that guy could have been the QB for Detriot, Philly and (these days) New Orleans, It's a sad state of affairs how some of our cities are left to fend for themselves.

It reminds me of reading reports from foreign reporters covering the south during the Civil Right movement and writing about how black kids run for cover every time they hear a loud bang - like like kids in 3rd world countries and war trained Europeans.


December 4, 2008 at 6:51 PM  
Blogger Ricardo said...


December 4, 2008 at 10:43 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Erik: I don't have any statistics, but I'd guess that the likelihood of getting killed or maimed by random violence is higher in some American cities than it is in Afghanistan, Israel or other places that we associate with terrorism or civil war. Just guessing.

Yes, it's a very sad state of affairs.

Ricardo: Thanks.

December 5, 2008 at 12:29 AM  

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