Who Hijacked Our Country

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Original Draft of Sarah Palin’s Hong Kong Speech

Nobody will say exactly how many speechwriters and proofreaders are employed by Sarah Palin’s staff. But here is a copy of Sarah’s first draft of her speech:

Ah jeez, here I am in Hong Kong, gosh, the other side of the world, talking to a group of international investors. Or for you people, that would be “intelnationar investols,” heeheeheehee.

This is just so great, this historic meeting of Main Street USA and the Far East. Sort of Joe Sixpack meets, uh, you know, Chow Fu, or whatever your version would be. All these gun-hating Democrats are saying I don’t have any foreign policy experience, but look where I am right now. So there. And I bet they’ve never even been to Japan. Er, China.

Thank God there aren’t any reporters here to misquote me. Those people drove me out of office by twisting everything I say. All they ever do is mock me and make fun of my sin tax.

Now, I heard you’re having ethnic problems with those Weegers or whatever you call them. I don’t want to tell you how to run your country, but in Alaska we like to shoot wolves from helicopters. Couldn’t you just fly a few helicopters over that place where those Weegers live and, you know, I’m just saying…

I know you like having a big centralized government that runs everything and meddles in everyone’s lives. That’s fine for you people, but now America has started doing the same thing, this big smothering government barging into everything and telling hardworking Americans what to do. Joe and Jane Sixpack are not happy about this. We have a president who was born in some filthy third world country even more primitive than this one, and he’s ruining America. I always tell people, why don’t you just move to Russia or China if you want some big giant godless nanny police state sapping your ambition. When Ronald Reagan was president, darn it that’s when America was her greatest. He took away that nanny state and made everyone free to pull their own bootstraps. And he knew in his heart that America was Number One and he didn’t care what the rest of the world thought of us, and he didn’t blink and cringe and run away every time some third world tinpot…

[Note to self, last paragraph still needs work]

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30 Comments:

Anonymous DEO said...

I think Sarah Palin´s new ghostwriter, Tonya Harding, is doing quite well!!!! LOL

September 23, 2009 at 11:42 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

DEO: Tonya Harding, good one. I'd rather have her in an elected position than Sarah Palin, if I had to choose.

September 23, 2009 at 12:06 PM  
Anonymous JollyRoger said...

I understand a lot of people walked out on Caribou Barbie. I'm guessing they were covering their ears.

Can you imagine what they must have been thinking? "THAT got itself elected Governor?!?"

September 23, 2009 at 12:43 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

JR: I guess the U.S. needs to have at least one court jester to entertain the world. We lost Dumbya, and now Sarah Palin has filled the void.

September 23, 2009 at 1:03 PM  
Blogger Holte Ender said...

The powers that are guiding her, must be trying pack her resume full of foreign policy experiences, so come the season of "exploratory committees" she will have lots of stamps in her, still relatively new, passport. What must they think of us, sending someone like her.

September 23, 2009 at 2:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is anyone outside her batshit conservative crazy circle listening to anything she has to say?
Good speech, I really can see her winking while she reads it out loud.

Jo

September 23, 2009 at 2:49 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Holte: It's bad enough that Dumbya did so much damage to America's international image. Now that he's finally out of the picture, he's been replaced by the one and only American who's actually dumber than him.

Jo: I think she's just preaching to the choir. And I hope that choir doesn't have any members outside of the U.S.

September 23, 2009 at 2:57 PM  
Anonymous Bee said...

The "first draft" speech was f-ing brilliant! :)

September 23, 2009 at 5:11 PM  
Anonymous Screamin' Mimi said...

That woman absolutely terrifies me. What if she gets elected to something important? Guatemala, here I come!

September 23, 2009 at 5:56 PM  
Blogger Lew Scannon said...

Ah yes, the earlier draft. I'm sure she sent it back to her ghostwriter and demanded he add something about "death panels". No wonder she banned the press from attending it.

September 23, 2009 at 6:08 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Bee: Thanks.

SM: Guatemala sounds too hot and muggy. Maybe Canada.

Lew: That's right, she forgot to mention death panels. And she must have had a few touchy-feely soundbites about Trig in there somewhere.

September 23, 2009 at 7:02 PM  
Anonymous S.W. Anderson said...

What, nothing about being able to see China from her hotel room?

Great, fun post, Tom. Maybe it's small-minded of me, but I can't help but wonder what possessed people in Hong Kong to pay perfectly good money to have Palin travel all that way to give a speech. Comedy relief? Wanted to see if she's really as dingy as she seemed to be in the campaign? It couldn't be because they see her as a credible contender for the presidency.

IMO, the Chinese would've gotten a better speaker if they had invited Tina Fey.

September 24, 2009 at 2:18 AM  
Blogger Randal Graves said...

I knew it. You've been behind this Palin thing since day one! You cruel, cruel bastard!

September 24, 2009 at 7:21 AM  
Blogger lisa said...

Oh you guys love Palin. You love her because she is a strong athletic woman who can kick your asses and leave any of you in the dust. And she doesn't smoke.
Strength leads to endurance which is needed for a high pressure job.
I guess her tele-prompter went on the blink.
You guys are too with her. You just can't wait to attack her yet she keeps on trucking.
That's not even her speech. Waht would you say if she was up there Chanting "FIRED UP-READY TO GO/FIRED UP- READY TO GO" what would you think then?

September 24, 2009 at 2:43 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

SW: I saw a comment somewhere, that she probably thinks she's a foreign policy expert on every country that she could see out the airplane window.

I have no idea who in Hong Kong or any other foreign location would care what Sarah Palin thinks.

Randal: Yep, we liberal bloggers drove her out of office with our cruel taunts.

Lisa: "Oh you guys love Palin." I like her for the same reason I like Jon Stewart, SNL, Robin Williams, the Three Stooges, Laurel and Hardy -- because she's funny. Of course, she isn't trying to be funny, but still...

She's always good for a few laughs, as long as she doesn't get herself elected to anything.

September 24, 2009 at 3:32 PM  
Blogger lisa said...

At least she doesn't lead an audience in a chant like some kind of fringe cult leader. Yep that's what we want.

September 24, 2009 at 4:50 PM  
Blogger Demeur said...

Clueless!

That said let's have Cheney/Palin in 2012. It's a Democrats dream ticket.

September 24, 2009 at 5:03 PM  
Anonymous S.W. Anderson said...

Lisa, it's funny you should mention Palin being a strong woman with the endurance to keep up with a high-pressure job. We saw how that worked out with her being governor of Alaska.

As for what I'd think if she were to chant, "Fired up, ready to go," my first thought would be that Margaritas were $1.99 during happy hour, and she wasn't one to pass up a bargain.

September 24, 2009 at 5:08 PM  
Blogger Lew Scannon said...

Strength leads to endurance which is needed for a high pressure job.
Endurance in a high pressure job is one thing among many that Palin lacks.

September 24, 2009 at 5:44 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Lisa: She wasn't able to do her chant because she forgot her teleprompter.

Demeur: There's only one drawback to having Cheney, Palin or any other rightwing nutcase (Huckabee, Romney, Gingrich) running in 2012. If the economy still sucks and/or healthcare reform hasn't been achieved, the voters might turn to the Right. Did I really just write that?? I take it back!

SW: If Palin was chanting "fired up, ready to go," it would be either the Margaritas, or she was ogling her would-be son-in-law again.

Lew: Damn right, she's a Quitter, not an endurance athlete.

September 24, 2009 at 6:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lisa says

“At least she doesn't lead an audience in a chant like some kind of fringe cult leader. Yep that's what we want.”

You mean like “Drill Baby Drill!’ They were yelling over and over again at the GOP convention as our energy policy? I saw her lead it herself at a few rallies

Erik

September 25, 2009 at 12:03 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Erik: But, but it's different when Republicans do it :)

September 25, 2009 at 12:14 AM  
Blogger lisa said...

well Drill Baby Drill ca actually be defined.
Call her a quitter if you want but she did it to save her state money due to the relentless and baseless lawsuits against her.Saving money gee what a concept! One this administration has no intentions of doing.....EVER!

No doubt being led by George Soros the guy you worship even if he is using his capitalism to bash capitalism. Like the rest of the propagandists like Will Ferrell and Michael Moore.
With total disregard to the people he uses and walks over to get his way.

September 25, 2009 at 8:01 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Lisa: The good news is, your condition has been diagnosed -- George Soros Derangement Syndrome. Your particular strain of GSDS is infused with a substrain of Saul Alinsky Obsession Disorder.

Now the bad news: When these 2 diseases combine, the medical treatment is prohibitively expensive. A government-financed health insurance option is your only hope.

September 25, 2009 at 10:38 AM  
Blogger lisa said...

NO No the condition is/was George Bush derangement syndrome.
You don't think Soros has influence on what is going on? Hello Moveon/Tides Foundation/American Center For Progress

And being you brought up Alinsky you think now that Obama is president all of a sudden he abandoned those principles? You know like all of a sudden he loves this country.
This arrogant,derisive country.

September 25, 2009 at 1:31 PM  
Anonymous JollyRoger said...

lisa drooled,

Oh you guys love Palin. You love her because she is a strong athletic woman who can kick your asses and leave any of you in the dust. And she doesn't smoke.
Strength leads to endurance which is needed for a high pressure job.


HAHAHAHAHAHA..... she can't hold a frigging job, she can't complete more than 2 semesters in any given college, and she does nothing but whine and cry any time she gets some negative press.

Yeah, she who couldn't take being Governor of less people than the Mayor of Columbus, Ohio has to deal with is TOUGH AND READY! For what, running a nursing home?

September 25, 2009 at 2:28 PM  
Anonymous S.W. Anderson said...

LOL, Tom, that answer was priceless!

September 25, 2009 at 2:40 PM  
Anonymous Bee said...

Lisa:Strength leads to endurance which is needed for a high pressure job
Bee: Oh, yeah. Well, except for the whole quitting the governorship of Alaska for no discernible reason with 2 years left to go.

Lisa: At least she doesn't lead an audience in a chant like some kind of fringe cult leader. Yep that's what we want.
Bee: Someone else got you on the "drill baby drill" chant. I'll get you on the "hang'im!" chants going on at some of her rallies. Yeah, she didn't exactly try to quell that madness, did she? Nope, she didn't.

Tom: again, congrats on your right wing stalker - this one is fun! :)

September 25, 2009 at 5:25 PM  
Blogger Holte Ender said...

Lisa have you posted yet?

September 25, 2009 at 7:55 PM  
Blogger lisa said...

Yes I did post but I guess Tom didn't want me to get the last word.

September 28, 2009 at 8:26 AM  

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