Who Hijacked Our Country

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

King Street Patriots: Looking For a Few Good Rednecks

If you hate immigrants, minorities, low-income people and college students — and you still can’t find Europe on that damn map — the King Street Patriots want YOU.

As you know, voter fraud is the gravest issue facing America today.  Negroes, renters, people with swarthy accents — they’re all trying to vote.  With your help, we can stop them!

Our small group got its start in Houston with our True The Vote campaign, and in 2012 we’re planning to expand throughout the country.  Can you help us?  All you have to do is show up at a polling place on Election Day — preferably in a precinct that’s low income and full of icky minority types.  And then just hang around and scare away the undesirables.

You’ll be trained in how to look at a group of would-be voters and pick out the Democrats.  Signs to watch for include:  swarthy complexion, foreign accent, tacky clothing (indicating elderly or low income), the know-it-all demeanor of a liberal college student; and so many others.  Don’t worry, you’ll be thoroughly trained and indoctrinated.

Then, when you see a Democrat who comes in wanting to vote — get right up in his face and scare him off.  Don’t worry, they won’t give you any trouble.  They’re afraid of war, they don’t think nonviolent pot users should be put in jail — in short, they’re pussies.  Just go swaggering up to them and say “Boo!” and they’ll turn and scamper away.

You can do the same thing with election workers inside the polling place.  If you see one of these do-gooders trying to help out some swarthy fuck who doesn’t speak English — see previous paragraph.

Please help us out on Election Day 2012.  Your fellow teabaggers need you.

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13 Comments:

Anonymous S.W. Anderson said...

I think the King Street Patriots have the potential of turning polling places into scenes of brawls and rioting for the first time in our history.

If these "patriots" happen to get in the face of, say, a dark-skinned six-foot-one Iraq vet with a short fuse, they're likely to get a three-in-one lesson on the fly. That would be manners, civics and physics, and it's taught by throwing the bums out, head first, possibly into traffic.

November 29, 2011 at 10:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Isn't there supposed to be a law that says if you are there for any other reason then voting you have to stay like 25 feet from the polling place?

These King Street reborn Dixiecrats are in for a big surprise if they think they can go to just any neighborhood and intimidate the residents.
They may be calling for police protection for themselves


Erik

November 29, 2011 at 10:24 PM  
Anonymous Jolly Roger said...

Wingers tend to be piss-yourself pussies, which is why you won't find one of them within a ZIP code of a Recruiting Office. Nah.... these shitbags are only brave when they've got Mommy's dress to run under. I don't see them going into many urban neighborhoods.

November 30, 2011 at 4:55 AM  
Blogger MRMacrum said...

I've been looking for the right crew to hang with ever since the local John Birch chapter closed. Thanks for the heads up. Nothing makes my day like making a Democrat cry.

November 30, 2011 at 7:41 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

I say if you're too dumb to be able to obtain legal ID in 364 days,then you are too dumb to vote and too dumb to find Europe on a map.
people who vote should be somewhat informed other than looking for the "D" on those ballots

November 30, 2011 at 8:10 AM  
Blogger Randal Graves said...

Voting's for chumps, unless it's for Cthulhu.

November 30, 2011 at 8:51 AM  
Anonymous Jess said...

Can someone please set me straight here. Either us potheaded liberals are pussies or we are taking over the world in violent ways. Surely it cannot be both. I know when I am stoned myself the very last thing I am thinking about it is taking over the world. I am looking for a place to lay my tired head for a few minutes till the buzz wears off.

Oh and here we have our resident, international fuckwit talking about... if you can't find an ID blah blah blabbity blah. IDIOT, some people cannot afford the time to go find out where the republicans are still allowing processing of IDs and oh by the way, there are some forms of ID that you have to pay for. Do you think there will be some kind of financing available for those who don't have coin or should we just go back to the good old days of Jim Crow. Never mind answering me I know your answer already and it will just tell us once again, how you require assistance to function in the real world.

November 30, 2011 at 1:24 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

SW: I agree, the potential is there for some "troubles" at polling booths. But I'm guessing, as JR says in his comment, that these "patriots" will do nothing but talk big while they're hiding under Mommy's skirt.

Erik: I think that law does exist. I hope it'll be enforced.

JR: LOL. A face to face encounter at a polling booth sounds almost as scary as enlisting.

MRM: Damn, the John Birch chapter closed? It must be because of all them commie treehuggers.

Lisa: Conservatives keep saying the government is nothing but a bunch of bumbling socialist bureaucrats, and at the same time they want everyone to be required to get a photo ID card from......drumroll.....The Government. You probably don't see the irony, but everyone else does.

Jess: Having to pay for a government-issued ID card is the same as a poll tax, whether they call it that or not. But try explaining that to a wingtard.

November 30, 2011 at 1:52 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

The irony is why wouldn't you want someone who votes to be who they say they are. So in other words what you are saying is that people who may not be eligible to vote are voting democrat otherwise you would probably be against it.
Although I am sure that the Soros owned Diebold machines can take care of that one.

November 30, 2011 at 4:52 PM  
Anonymous Jolly Roger said...

I say if you're too dumb to be able to obtain legal ID in 364 days,then you are too dumb to vote and too dumb to find Europe on a map.

I say you are a complete frigging moron, proven without a shadow of a doubt by yet another stupid comment. Now, you dumb broad, would you PLEASE get back in the kitchen, or go squirt a baby? You seem bound and determined to prove that those two things are all that you're good for.

November 30, 2011 at 5:27 PM  
Anonymous Jolly Roger said...

So in other words what you are saying is that people who may not be eligible to vote are voting democrat otherwise you would probably be against it.

You stupid ditz, we could just as easily argue about whether or not Martiuans are voting in big numbers illegally, because.... I've got as much proof of my Martianh voter theory as you have of your beat to death "DEMMYCRAT CHEATER" bullshit.

November 30, 2011 at 5:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lisa squeeked:
"Although I am sure that the Soros owned Diebold machines can take care of that one"

Perhaps you are afraid of a repeat of 2004 when the CEO of Diebold (a major Bush supporter) said he and his company will do everything they can to ensure Bush's re-election.

Erik

December 1, 2011 at 12:21 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

You seem bound and determined to prove that those two things are all that you're good for.


well JR that's 2 more things than you are good for. Except for maybe carrying around Obama's ball sac.

December 1, 2011 at 9:14 AM  

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