Who Hijacked Our Country

Sunday, January 06, 2013

Chuck Hagel Would be a Horrible — Atrocious! — Secretary of Defense

by Lindsey Graham

Oh!  I just don’t know what gets INTO these people!  Chuck Hagel, Secretary of Defense???  Oh please!  Awful awful awful!!  Hate it!

And why, you ask, would Chuck Hagel be such a dreadful choice for defense secretary?

Well, first of all, he doesn’t worship Israel’s God-given right to build condos and strip malls on every last inch of Palestinian territory.  Even worse, he isn’t champing at the bit to invade Iran.

And do you know why?  It’s because Chuck Hagel was a war hero during the Vietnam War.  He knows first hand the horrors of war.  And that’s why he’d make a terrible defense secretary.

The secretary of defense should be a chicken hawk — somebody like me.  I turn into aspic at the mere thought of physical violence being visited upon me.  But I LOVE war!  And I’m the exact type of person we need running the Pentagon.

We need to keep invading other countries in order to keep providing lucrative defense contracts for our biggest corporate donors.  If we weren’t hopelessly quagmired somewhere in the world, Halliburton would — ooohh, it’s unthinkable!

And the unthinkable would happen if Chuck Hagel were in charge of the Pentagon — somebody who doesn’t want to start wars because he knows personally what war is like.

As I was saying, I wet my pants in utter terror if somebody even gives me a dirty look, or honks at me on the freeway.

But I LOVE war.  Big strapping macho men, fighting!  Ugh!  Men, manly MEN, hitting each other, hurting each other, making each other scream and — oh God oh God, oh oh — oops, I think I just — excuse me a minute while I go clean myself off…

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lindsey, what a pansy

January 7, 2013 at 12:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

read it and weep or in your case rejoice

January 7, 2013 at 8:28 AM  
Blogger Demeur said...

Lol. Republicans eating their own. Can't have any moderates now can we?

January 7, 2013 at 9:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Wash your hands before you do your next blog OK?


January 7, 2013 at 11:35 AM  
Blogger Snave said...


GREAT one, Tom! You totally capture the guy's essence, his eau de toilette. 8-)

January 7, 2013 at 11:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I remember years ago when republicans screamed when Ron Dellums became Chair of the House Armed Services Committee. Limbaugh and others decried the great Liberal in charge of the Armed Forces. Never mind as a Marine in Korea he was the first Chair to have actually SERVED in the Armed Forces.

Dellums was responsible for all those pay increases for the rank and file signed by Reagan as well as the Reservist rights which closed loopholes which caused them to lose their jobs while on duty signed by Bush Sr. during the Gulf War.


January 7, 2013 at 3:45 PM  
Blogger Life As I Know It Now said...

Thanks, I needed to smile :)

January 8, 2013 at 3:32 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Anon. 12:11 a.m.: Yup, he (or she) sure is.

Anon. 8:28 a.m.: Good old Front Page, one of my favorite comedy sites.

Erik: LOL. Will do.

Snave: Thanks. I was trying to capture his eau de toilette.

Erik: I remember that about Dellums. The Right hated him because of his liberal views and they hated him even more for being a veteran while they were all chicken hawks.

Life: Thanks.

January 8, 2013 at 6:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

John McCain has Lindsey Graham's santorum all over his face!

January 9, 2013 at 5:06 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

LOL. Those 2 are a happy couple.

January 9, 2013 at 1:35 PM  

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