John Boehner and Karl Rove: a Tinfoil Hat for Two

Karl Rove has cozied up next to John Boehner so they can share the same tinfoil hat. They're both insisting that Republicans have never ever said anything about impeaching President Obama; the whole thing is just a vicious rumor conjured up by Democrats for a fundraising gimmick.

Or maybe Tinfoil Hat isn't the right term, since that implies seeing and hearing things that aren't there.  What do you call it when somebody flat-out refuses to see and hear something that's right there in front of him/her?  Maybe this is why John Boehner keeps crawling to *** the bottom of a bottle of bargain Scotch *** — so he can drown out the voices of the Teatards.

***Name that tune***

Now — playing Devil's Advocate here — let's pretend that all the impeachment talk is just a rumor being spread by Democrats; that no Republican has ever uttered the I-word.  (Come on, just play along for a minute.)  Is it a smart strategy for Republicans to deny this rumor that they want to impeach Obama?  When you frantically, incessantly deny a rumor — at the top of your lungs — you're digging yourself deeper into the hole you're trying to get out of.  This has long been a staple of fiction and real life.  “You can't prove Senator X is a child molester.”  “We don't have to prove it.  Make him deny it.”

So come on, Republicans one and all.  Take to the airwaves, the rooftops, the Intertubes, and scream long and loud that you never said anything about impeaching President Obama.  That word again is IMPEACHMENT.  IMPEACH.  Keep on saying that you never said it.  Come on, keep at it.  Louder.

And now — playing Devil's Advocate again — let's take the following test.  If You Dare.  Click on the two links below, and find out once and for all who's really wearing a tinfoil hat — Democrats or Republicans.  The two linked articles are lists of Republicans who have been clamoring for years to impeach Obama.  Now, if Republicans are telling the truth about never calling for Obama's impeachment, the two linked articles won't exist and you — you America-hating treehugger you — are the one wearing the tinfoil hat.

However, if the two linked articles really do exist...

Ready?  Click if you dare:

Here and Here.

Karl Rove: Obama “a Double Agent for Russia”

Karl Rove’s “independent” group, American Crossroads, has released a new video portraying  President Obama is a double agent for Russia, secretly working from within to weaken America’s defenses.

Everyone knew the Far Right would jump all over Obama’s open-mic gaffe, where he was heard telling Dmitry Medvedev that he’d have more flexibility on missile defense after the election.  And with Pavlovian predictability, this is what Rove’s new video is based on.

The video is a James Bond spoof, starring Obama as “President Flexible.”  Medvedev is “Dr. Transmitkov,” combining villains from James Bond and Austin Powers movies.  And Vladimir Putin stars as “Himself.”

A voice says:

“Your mission is simple, Mr Obama:  Win one last election to gain unchecked flexibility, weaken our defenses, and fundamentally transform the world.”

The video also shows images of missiles and Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Obama — and every other Democratic candidate — will have to get used to these slanderous attacks financed by unknown shadowy creatures.  These hit pieces will be getting hotter and heavier and thicker and more vicious between now and November.  In most cases the public won’t even know who designed these attacks or who is paying for them.

But this works both ways.  An unknown opposition researcher has turned up some unflattering information about Karl Rove.  For instance, did you know:

Karl Rove likes to hang around public restrooms and lure little boys to his secret hideaway.  Once he gets them there, he ties them up and ejaculates all over them while they’re being forced to watch graphic child porn videos.  In the next room, kittens and puppies are being tortured, and Rove’s child victims have to listen to all the pitiful wailing and screeching.

The previous paragraph was brought to you by Concerned Christians for a Better America.

“President Obama, Get a Spine”

The editor of The Nation, Katrina vanden Heuvel, said this. She said Obama needs to stand firm against these constant rightwing Wag The Dog fake news attacks (i.e. Breitbart and the rest of those shitwads), or risk “feeding the zealots.”

These relentless attacks against Obama are making him look like a substitute teacher who’s just standing there waving his arms helplessly while the whole class is throwing spitballs and paper airplanes and climbing all over the desks.

vanden Heuvel said:

“This White House needs to institute procedures, as President Obama said, and get a spine because it is feeding the zealots of our system by not standing tall and confronting the forces of hate and fear in a country that has a lot of economic pain.”

She described the Shirley Sherrod controversy (Breitbart’s latest prank) as:

“A testing moment for America ... Are we going to be an America that learns from Shirley Sherrod's tale of reconciliation, overcoming prejudice? ... Are we going to be a media system which is vetting and upholding standards, or are we going to be bullied as a country by a right wing media which peddles fears and slanders to, really, destroy President Obama's presidency?”

She also said: “It's about the mainstream media — with a few exceptions in this case — accepting Andrew Breitbart, a journalist who's known to have no credibility.”

And speaking of the Rightwing Hate Machine: here’s another grass roots organization made up of everyday concerned American citizens — American Crossroads.

Karl Rove is one of the cofounders of this group. Almost every dollar raised by American Crossroads has come from four billionaires. Ah, the Voice of the People.

The Bow that Shook the Inbreds

The teabirther-chickenhawk brigade is taking a short break from their usual blubberings. They’ve got their panties in such a tight twist over Obama’s infamous bow in Japan, they’ve momentarily forgotten to yell and scream about “Death Panels!” and “Socialized Medicine!”

For now, the Far Right locksteppers are shrieking in unison that Obama is “apologizing for America!” “Groveling before our enemies!”

The knuckledraggers had the same mass hissyfit the last time Obama traveled overseas. For people with simple thought patterns, there are only two possibilities for the President of the United States when he’s visiting a foreign country. The correct choice of course is to thump your chest and yell out “America is Number One and don’t you forget it, you swarthy $#!%&$!#%&#$#$s!” If the president does anything other than that, what he’s actually doing is getting on his knees and groveling and begging for forgiveness. Sort of like what Michael Steele does every time he inadvertently offends Rush Limbaugh.

The expression “when in Rome…” probably doesn’t register with the retards who spend their lives sitting in their trailer watching Fox News. For everybody else — people in Japan bow. In India you don’t eat with your left hand. In Turkey and Iran you don’t use your thumb while hitchhiking because sticking out your thumb is their version of the middle finger. In England, if you mention something about a traffic circle or looking under the hood of your car, they won’t know what you’re talking about. And in Japan, you bow.

Bill Kristol, Bill Bennett and Karl Rove are among the rightfucks who have lashed out at Obama for bowing in Japan.

What Would Dumbya Do?

Or maybe Obama should’ve done what Dumbya’s father did, and thrown up all over his Japanese hosts.

Here’s a blog post about Obama’s “apologizing” and “groveling.” Check out the comments at the end of the post. There are some flatout scary stupid people out there.

In other Republican news: Remember Al Franken’s amendment to that defense bill, prohibiting the Pentagon from doing business with firms that force their employees to sign one of those “I promise not to squeal or make trouble if I get raped on the premises” clauses? And the thirty Republican senators who voted against the amendment (the amendment passed anyway)?

Those thirty Republicans are now horrified — Shocked! — at the backlash they’ve received. They sided with the gang-rapists — and the corporation that enabled them — over the rape victim, and all of a sudden them womenfolk are worrying their pretty little heads and going all hysterical and everything. Who knew?

But at least now those Republican senators have learned their lesson. Boy have they learned it. After some brutally honest soul-searching, the Republican Gang of Thirty have realized exactly what they did wrong. Their mistake: agreeing to a roll-call vote when they voted to stab rape victims in the back. What were they thinking?? Lesson learned!

The next time they vote to sell gang-rape victims down the river, they’ll do it with a simple voice vote instead of a roll-call vote. That way, the lowly public (i.e. their employers) won’t know who voted which way. They can still be a bunch of slippery backstabbing shitstains, but the public won’t know about it and won’t be able to hold them accountable.

Live and learn.

Karl Rove Tells How to Beat Hillary

Here it is, straight from the douchebag’s mouth:

This just in — Hillary Clinton is “hard and brittle” (as Sleazebag puts it). She's also "a bitch," of course; and she "calculates almost everything, including her accent and laugh."

Here's where Rover turns into a comedian: his advice to the ultimate Republican nominee is to “Tackle issues families care about.” Of course. You mean abortion and gay marriage, right? I know those are the first things on my mind when I’m struggling with the bills.

Oh my God, Hell has frozen over and pigs are flying. The issues he's referring to are “jobs, the economy, taxes and spending.” OK, I get it. When the wingnuts get through spinning this one, “taxes and spending” will mean anything having to do with health care, job training, the environment or the infrastructure. “Jobs and the economy” will mean “what's good for Halliburton/Exxon is good for America.” Will American voters be as stupid and gullible next year as they were in 2004?

Goebbels Rove also says “but some issues that used to be ‘go to’ ones for Republicans, like crime and welfare, don't have as much salience.” Then again, words like crime and welfare mean different things to different people.

Here is where the term “Orwellian” really gets stretched into bizarre shapes and sizes that poor old George never would’ve dreamed of: “Concerns like health care, the cost of college and social mobility will be more important.” Yes, this is exactly what CEOs and Republican VIPs have been agonizing over for the past seven years. Let’s see how they spin this one. If only Marie Antoinette could’ve translated “Let them eat cake” into “I’m sooo concerned about the plight of the poor and downtrodden.”

And now the pusbag starts spinning even faster and more furiously: “Aggressively campaign for the votes of America's minorities. Go to their communities, listen and learn, demonstrate your engagement and emphasize how your message can provide hope and access to the American Dream for all.” Yeah, you do that. Record profits for the largest corporations, higher taxes for working people and a bloated multi-trillion-dollar Pentagon — this is exactly what minorities and working families are clamoring for.

Uh oh, now the mask is getting peeled off and we see The Blob for what it really is: “Be strong on Iraq. Democrats have bet on failure. That's looking to be an increasingly bad wager, given the remarkable progress seen recently in Iraq.” Yes indeed, “remarkable progress in Iraq.” Easy to say for a pasty-faced triple-chinned shitwipe who wouldn’t know a military uniform if it bit him on the ass. Contact your recruiter, Asshole.

BTW, this article has some interesting comments at the end.


cross-posted at Bring It On!