The Downward Spiral of Rudy Giuliani: from America's Mayor to Donald Trump's Bitch

Giuliani: “There Was No Iranian Hostage Crisis During the Carter Years”

Who needs Snopes when we have Rudy Giuliani, our walking talking one-man Urban Legend Debunker.

What’s this “9/11” that everybody keeps blubbering about? Apparently, millions of deluded Americans think there was some sort of terrorist attack on that date. Not only that, but it was supposedly a terrorist attack on American soil. [rolls eyes] Christ, what are they putting in our drinking water???

Anyway, Ask Rudy™ — he’ll set you straight. This nation “had no domestic attacks” under President George W. Bush. OK now? Understand???

Rudy is now debunking some of the other urban legends that gullible Americans just can’t seem to let go of. These include:

President Bill Clinton had an affair with one of his interns, right there in the Oval Office. While Clinton was sitting at his desk performing presidential duties, this imaginary intern would crawl underneath his desk and perform her “duties.”

The United States of America invaded Iraq in 1991. It’s true that there was a mysterious fireworks celebration in Baghdad for a few weeks in early 1991. That much you could verify just by turning on the evening news — it looked like some sort of Fourth of July celebration in Baghdad. But somehow a bunch of tinfoil hatters are insisting that those fireworks were actually [smirk] American warplanes dropping bombs on Iraq. WTF???

In the early 1930s there was a “Great Depression” that nearly brought America to her knees. Things were sooo bad — businessmen were jumping out of office windows. Formerly successful people were sitting on street corners selling apples, pencils, anything that might possibly earn them a few pennies. Whenever some Nanny State Liberal wants to create still another giant bloated government program, he/she always invokes this “Great Depression” as the reason we need more faceless government bureaucrats meddling in our lives.

So, you don’t actually believe any of the above claptrap, do you? If so — Ask Rudy™.

In Afghanistan, a private security firm known as Xe wants to help out with their special ops expertise. Xe — hmmm, never heard of ‘em. I guess that should be OK, as long as that fetid F$%&!#%&!#! Blackwater isn’t involved.

Dick Cheney: Eight More Years

Well, not Dick Cheney exactly. But if Rudy Giuliani gets into the White House, he wants his vice president to be someone like Cheney.

Giuliani was answering questions from voters in New Hampshire, and one of them asked who would be Secretary of State in his administration. His answer was:

“Let me 9/11 answer with the 9/11 question of what you 9/11 would look for in a 9/11 vice president first — again without any 9/11 presumption that I'm 9/11 going to be the nominee. A vice president 9/11 has to be a partner in the 9/11 administration. The vice president has to know 9/11 everything that's going on, just in case 9/11 the vice president has to step in at a moment's notice.”

He said he spoke with Cheney on September 11, 2001 and felt that the vice president “had a sense that he knew what he was doing.”

Giuliani also said he might choose his current White House rivals to serve in his cabinet. There's something to look forward to: President Giuliani, and the top cabinet posts being held by Mitt Romney, John McCain, Mike Huckabee…

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With Barack Obama winning in Iowa, the attack is on. Mitt Romney said: “Did you listen to Barack Obama? He is a new face, but gosh when you listen to what comes out of his mouth. It’s like, ‘We're going to just get our troops out of Iraq.’ Have you thought about the consequences?”

Well, Asswipe, that’s pretty much how we got INTO Iraq, isn't it? Were you thinking about “the consequences” then?

Oh, that’s right, there'll be a bloodbath if we pull out of Iraq. If we pull out now, there'll be a bloodbath. If we pull out in 900 years there'll be a bloodbath. Well, as the Great Ronald Reagan once said: “If it takes a bloodbath, let’s get it over with.”

Rudy in Disguise

Check out this video. I hope you'll link to it at your own site and/or forward it to some friends. Word needs to get out. (H/T to Robert at Left of Centrist.)

Giuliani isn't the worst of the Republican candidates, but he's their most skillful con artist. “America’s Mayor” — riiight. And now he's trying to convince the “Family Values” idiots that a 3-times-divorced pro-choice gay rights gun control advocate is “one of them.” And he just might be able to pull it off.

A few flipflops, a lot of spinning — and “America’s Mayor” might actually become known as the “Values” candidate. If you think American voters couldn’t possibly be that stupid, well, look who we've got in the White House right now.

Vulture Funds

I wasn’t familiar with this term until CoolAqua posted about it. What are Vulture Funds? Think of the sleaziest, most immoral economic activity you know of — loansharking, blackmail, selling heroin to 3rd graders, etc. Now try to imagine this activity on a global scale, and you just might start to approach the coldblooded amorality of Vulture Funds.

A Vulture Fund is a company which buys up (very cheaply) the debt of a bankrupt third world government when that debt is about to be written off. Then the company will sue that government for the full amount of the debt, plus interest. They might end up collecting ten times the amount they originally paid to buy the debt.

Zambia was a recent victim. The average wage in Zambia is just over a dollar a day. A vulture fund paid $4 million to buy up Zambia’s debt. Now they're suing the Zambian government to extort $40 million from one of the poorest countries in the world.

A spokesperson for Jubilee Debt Campaign said “Profiteering doesn’t get any more cynical than this. Zambia has been planning to spend the money released from debt cancellation on much-needed nurses, teachers and infrastructure: this is what debt cancellation is intended for, not to line the pockets of businessmen based in rich countries.”

According to the Jubilee Debt Campaign’s website, the world’s most impoverished countries are paying over $100 million in debt repayment every day to the world’s richest countries. Is this right?

Gordon Brown of the International Monetary Fund said “We particularly condemn the perversity where Vulture Funds purchase debt at a reduced price and make a profit from suing the debtor country to recover the full amount owed — a morally outrageous outcome.”

Vulture funds were invented by Paul Singer, an American billionaire. His latest venture: he paid $10 million to buy up a debt from the Congolese government. He's now suing the Congo to collect $400 million for that same debt.

Paul Singer has been George W. Bush’s largest contributor. He's donated a total of $1.7 million since Bush’s first presidential campaign. Now, in case Rudy Giuliani is your favorite Republican — he's a “maverick,” he's a “moderate” — Giuliani is now Paul Singer’s favorite project. Singer has pledged at least $15 million for Giuliani’s presidential campaign.

Capitalism — like every “ism” — has some ugly stepchildren. But vulture funds are the ugliest stepchild I’ve ever seen.