America Finally Stops Being Israel's Bitch

Don't worry; it's just temporary.  When the new Sheriff takes over next month, America will bend over for Israel once again.

Today the U.N. Security Council issued one of its periodic condemnations of Israeli settlements in East Jerusalem and the West Bank, for being in violation of International Law.  As always, the Security Council's vote was 14 to 0.  Only, this time: 

The United States did NOT veto the resolution. For a brief moment, the Israeli government is actually being held accountable for overrunning Palestinian territory with gazillions of settlers.

The Israeli government  — together with their chickenhawk allies in the U.S.  — is having a massive tantrum and panty-twist.  How's this for a drinking game:  Every time another rightwing spewbag says “apologizing for America,” knock back another shot of your favorite poison. 

However, U.S. Ambassador Samantha Power said that in 1982, then-U.S. President Ronald Reagan declared that “Washington will not support the use of any additional land for the purpose of settlements.”

And Secretary of State John Kerry said the purpose of today's vote was “to preserve the possibility of the two-state solution.”

We'll see how long this brief period of sanity will last.

Israel to U.S.: “Mind Your Own Business.” “Help Me!!!”

If Israel were to attack Iran, the United States would be pulled into another war.  Just what we need — another quagmire in the Middle East.  And there would suddenly, miraculously be trillions of dollars available for this new Operation Freedom or whatever euphemism they’d come up with.

Whenever the American government tries to restrain Israel — or if you’re still walking on your  knuckles, that’s “apologizing for America” — the Israeli government tells us to stay out of it.  Mind your own business.

Except, it IS our business.  If Israel attacks Iran, America’s warmongering chickenhawks will be champing at the bit to drag us into the middle of it.  You can take that to the bank.

Israel is like that mooching relative that everybody has — defiant, headstrong and needy all at the same time.  “Stay out of my face!  Don’t tell me what to do…Uuhhh, can you help me out with the rent?  I’m a little short this month.  Again.”  “I’m in jail again.  Can you bail me out?”

Someday, maybe, the United States will cut the umbilical cord and free Israel from the tyranny of America’s constant babysitting.  Imagine the pride and self-determination Israel will feel when she can stand on her own, no longer dependent on handouts from the American government.

In the meantime, if there’s ever a war between Israel and Iran:  Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich, Tucker Carlson and Rudy Giuliani — among other shit-spewing chickenhawks — should be immediately apprehended and sent to the front lines.